


send me away on the words of a love song

by dharkephoenyx



Series: a love song for two [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-10
Updated: 2012-07-10
Packaged: 2017-11-09 14:23:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 24,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/456496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dharkephoenyx/pseuds/dharkephoenyx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Stay with me please? My dreams are always happier when I fall asleep in your arms." AU Finn/Rachel. Love, angst and heartbreak.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> Definitely AU but some drabbles from the show thrown in; Finchel centric with family and friends galore. Angsty towards the end but love, love all throughout. Character death with a love song. Unbeta'd.
> 
> Disclaimer: Glee, not mine. Fantasies of true love, I have them in the tons.

_The sharp knife of a short life, well  
I've had just enough time_

_If I die young, bury me in satin_   
_Lay me down on a bed of roses_   
_Sink me in the river at dawn_   
_Send me away with the words of a love song_

* * *

_**Part One.** _

She finds out when she barely turns 16.

Sitting in the unfriendly office with her fathers on either side of her. Staring outside at the orange and burgundy leaves falling from the trees, swirling along the ground with the wind blowing them around gently. She's always loved fall, the colour of the leaves on the ground, the crispness in the air. Halloween, candied apples and pumpkin pie even though her family doesn't exactly celebrate Thanksgiving. She'll miss that.

She absently listens to the conversation happening around her, medical jargon floating unintelligibly through the air and at some point she just ignores it all. When her father drops his hand to hers curling his hand around her palm she squeezes tight and feels a tad bit guilty that she already knows the things she'll miss most of all.

Her daddy doesn't laugh much nowadays and he hugs her like he's afraid she'll break. He looks over at her, a sad smile on his face as he tries to keep on a brave face for her. He has the most gorgeous brown eyes she's ever seen, grey kissing his temple, the lines around his eyes creased, the mocha colour of his eyes looking dull and unhappy. She wants him to smile again, she can't leave knowing he'll be this sad forever.

She looks back out the window and he starts to hum, both of them deliberately oblivious to the heated conversation between the other man and her other father.

She loves her Daddy's voice. Just one more thing she adds to her list of what she's going to miss. But then it occurs to her: how is it possible to miss something when you won't be here?

* * *

She goes back for the new school year. She's a senior now and everyone around her is chattering about who is going where and what they'll be studying. She sits near the few friends she has thanks to the Glee club and smiles into her novel as everyone jokes about what they want to study, excited about finally getting out of Lima. And when the conversation comes around to her she answers honestly.

"I want to travel. Take a year off, go to Europe. Go to the Caribbean. Just go somewhere new because you never know when you'll ever have the chance to."

"A gap year. Cool." Finn smiles at her and she smiles at him. She's always liked him. He was sweet. Quarterback, point guard and probably the most popular guy at McKinley. Rumour has it he was either getting a full ride to OSU or maybe drafted to the NFL. She finds herself hoping he goes to college. Anything can happen to him as a professional football player.

She looks around at the other members in the club. She wants all of them to succeed, chase their dreams, and find new ones once those have been accomplished.

Her fathers suggest she tell someone what's going on but even though these people are her friends, or as close to what she'd call friends, none of them really know her. No one knows her birthday outside of Facebook. None of them know that she doesn't drink soda nor that she'd hoped to go to Broadway one day. They're just classmates. She thinks telling everyone else makes it seem like she's asking for pity. So she doesn't.

Sure, she's lonely most of the time, because people always thought she was weird, the girl who had two fathers and sang everywhere she went. But she had her fathers and her dreams and for a time, that was enough.

Before this year, she was involved in everything at school and in her community and top of her classes, reigning queen of an unpopular glee club with the rest of the misfits of McKinley High. She didn't mind it really, she got to sing, and that was what mattered. Okay fine, they didn't make it to any competitions, but those few evenings when she'd flit across the stage, a song on her lips, alone or with the others, she was free, happy and on the way to where she really belonged. Being a star on Broadway. You have to fight for what you want right? So she was fighting. So her dreams changed; instead of Broadway she wanted to enjoy the rest of the time she had, with as little drawbacks as possible and she was going to shuffle up her life plan a little, start from the bottom up. Everything she wanted to do  _after_  Broadway was punted to the top. That was her plan. Enjoy the rest of her life.

"Rachel." Mr. Shuester interrupts her thoughts. "You had a song you wanted to sing, right?"

"Again Berry? Quit hogging the spotlight." Santana gripes. The other girls in matching Cheerio outfits titter beside her. She's used to their insults too. The newcomers had something new to throw at her every time they met for glee and she wondered when they'd run out of hateful barbs to spew. She wonders why Finn looks angry at the outburst, his stare cold as he looks at the three girls sitting together.

She ignores the girl and steps up to the mic, her showtime grin plastered on her face.

"Finn. Noah." The two boys get up and she hands them the sheet music.

"This song is awesome Rach, nice." Finn grins and slinks over to the drum kit, pulling his drumsticks from his back pocket and he looks over at Puck as his friend's sure fingers skillfully pluck at the strings of the guitar in his hands.

Pretty soon everyone else in the room is on their feet jumping around and dancing as they shout out the song chorus:

_I don't want to be  
Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately  
All I have to do  
Is think of me and I have peace of mind  
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms  
Wondering what I've got to do  
Or who I'm supposed to be  
I don't want to be anything other than me_

Mike and Brittany just invented some crazy dance, as usual. Artie, a genius on the electric guitar picks it up and battles Noah on the strings as Tina, Santana and Mercedes play air guitar while they sing beside her. Kurt, Blaine, Quinn and Sam are dancing around Brad and Mr. Shue watches with a smile on his face as his head bobs along.

This is why she likes glee, likes music. As soon as it starts people forget that they're all different and for those few minutes it's just them and the music. Finn is pounding away the drums, having fun with the ride cymbal as the song closes and she leans against the piano, grinning at Brad. Because, if this is all she has left, she's going to enjoy it.

* * *

So he thinks Rachel is kind of awesome.

When he first joined Glee she was hyperactive and kinda scary but she could belt out Aerosmith, Journey  _and_  Barbra Streisand like nobody's business. She could sing anything and she was good on the piano too. Not to mention she was sneaky hot and had the most gorgeous eyes and even though he and Quinn had only been technically broken up for just a week, he really wanted to talk to her.

Hearing her singing Gavin Degraw's song just now was all sorts of cool because the girl just loved music. So he figured he'd ask her for help on the next Glee assignment he was sure Mr. Shue was going to hand out.

So while everyone mills around after the song and Quinn shoots him death glares from her seat he twirls his drumsticks and smile at Rachel til Mr. Shue claps his hand for attention.

* * *

She was pretty sure Finn did not need her help on selecting a song for Glee but she let him use that as an excuse anyway because when a cute boy wants to spend time with you, you're careful but you don't question it too much.

She knows he is - was? – dating Quinn the quintessential cheerleader according to his stepbrother, and she's not stupid enough to fall in love with him overnight. He's nice, he's a very good singer and he wants to spend time with her so what's the harm? She  _is_  supposed to be having fun after all.

So, instead of working on songs for Glee they lounge around on her couch and watch the original Star Trek films. She brings down apple juice and buttered popcorn and he greets her with the Vulcan salute, flicking kernels at her and he's such a dork because when he leaves he does the Vulcan mind meld and tells her she can choose the movie the next time around.

* * *

In his defense, watching a  _movie_  where all people do is just  _sing_  puts him to sleep. Always has. That's not a movie. So when Rachel puts in  _Evita_  and he's snoring ten minutes into it she really shouldn't blame him. But he doesn't think she's really mad because she stuffs Sour Patch kids into his mouth and up his nose then uses a feather pen to tickle his forehead and wake him up.

He jumps up and she's rolling around the floor and snorting and he really can't be annoyed because she looks kind of cute when she's laughing like that.

Her dad pokes his head down into the den to see if they're OK and she waves him off but not before falling over laughing again.

He thinks he likes the way she sounds when she laughs and the way she  _looks_  when she laughs so after about three weeks of coming to her house to 'work on Glee songs' he asks her to go bowling with him.

And she sucks.

Like, she's really clumsy and throws just gutter balls. But she's still laughing so he gets this pink ball and stands behind her and shows her how to knock the pins down. Her body is soft and warm under his palms but she seems to get it, bowling that is, when she knocks down all the pins while his hand is at her waist.

She jumps up for a high five (she's that small!) and when her ball comes around again she knocks down the next six frames in in succession, scoring higher than him in just two tries.

When she turns around again she has this look on her face he can't understand.

"I'm sorry. My dads bowl almost every Saturday and I usually tag along." She blurts.

The little cheat.

Then her nose scrunches up cute-like and she's giggling again and he can't be mad because she's laughing and it sounds like bells and makes his skin tingle just like when she sings, so fine, he'll let her cheat.

When he takes her home that night he touches her cheek lightly, just beside her nose, she has a mole there. Then he leans in and presses his lips to her jaw and whispers good night. He stands at the door until she's inside then jogs back to his truck, his smile wide every step of the way.

He thinks he'll probably try and stay wake for the next musical.

* * *

She's really tired a few days later after Finn and her went paintballing with Kurt and his boyfriend and her daddy asks her if she's sure she wants to go into school that day.

"Yes Daddy. I'm fine, really."

He watches her like he doesn't believe her. "I'm determined not to let this keep me from enjoying my life." He stares at her for a beat longer.

"Fine, if I feel worse I'll go to the school nurse."

"Rachel, I still think we need to tell someone about what's going on. What about your Glee teacher? Or the guidance counsellor?" he dad asks.

She tries to catch her breath, her body really does feel weak but she stubbornly shakes her head. "Not yet, please?"

She's not deliberately trying to tire herself. And she's not as overeager about everything as she usually is. They reluctantly agree.

* * *

Finn kisses her on a Sunday.

They're at the church with Mercedes sorting out books and as she keeps sneezing Mercedes keeps giggling. He likes the chocolate-skinned girl; she's a really good singer. And she's smart too, a walking encyclopaedia and the more time he sees her spend with Mercedes and his brother he thinks they could really become friends, they're so much alike sometimes it's scary.

"Alright lil Diva, let me go see if I can get some face masks." Mercedes gets up and walks out and she drops onto the floor, pulling another box towards her. He watches her try and hide her smile at the nickname but doesn't think she minds it so much now. If he's to be honest, when they first started calling her that it was supposed to be mean but the more people joining glee, and the more songs they attempted, the more times she fought with Kurt and Mercedes for solos and it sorta became a term of endearment. She was the shortest of the trio of course, Kurt was the fashion diva and Mercedes was the attitude diva.

She's pouting, her bottom lip pushed out as she scowls at the books in front her and he really, really wants to kiss her.

So.

He bends over and touches his lips to hers softly, pulling back to gaze into her eyes before moving forward again. She lets out this sound that makes his heart beat faster and when he finally pulls away he keeps his eyes closed because he wants to commit that to memory.

When he opens them and looks at her she's ducking her head, her cheeks red and she's biting her lip in embarrassment. He kisses her hair quickly and goes back to sorting books again, peeking at her over the boxes.

He catches her looking at him from under her lashes and he winks, his heart beating faster when her blush deepens.

* * *

"Are you two dating now?"

Her head snaps up at the question, brown eyes meeting green. She's in the library working on a history assignment before Glee. Finn is in class and she's really surprised to see the cheerleader standing across from her.

"What two?"

"You. And Finn."

"Did you ask Finn?"

"I'm asking you."

"It's none of your business." She ducks her head back to her notebook. And really, it isn't. She's not even sure she's dating Finn. They kiss. They go out. He comes over and watches movies. She goes to his house and plays cards with his family.

She knows she'd decided to enjoy the time she has but clearly dating was bound to be tricky. She's never dated anyone before and she simply can't let herself get too attached to anyone because it'd break his heart when she finally gets around to telling him.

Still, she's young. In high school. She can date Finn for a while. He can go to college afterwards and she'll go and travel and she won't worry about breaking hearts.

Quinn is still standing at the desk looking at her.

"What?"

"You're not going to answer me?"

"Ask Finn."

The girl cuts her eye and walks off.

She's really anxious to hear what Finn's answer will be.

* * *

Rachel Berry in his letterman jacket was… hot. It was too big for her of course, but she didn't seem to mind. It covered the length of her body, her skirt barely peeking out and he had to slug Puck and Mike a few times for staring just a little bit too long. Her legs were amazing, toned and long and he had to force himself to look away one time too many. At least  _he_ was allowed to look.

Mr. Shue had taken them out for pizza one evening after Glee practice. Nationals were in Las Vegas in five weeks and they'd been practicing every day to get everything right. Two songs were all they needed, a quartet with Rachel, Finn, Mercedes and Puck then a medley that was guaranteed a win.

She sat on the bench between his legs nibbling on a veggie pizza she'd split with Kurt and Quinn. She was laughing with everyone, teasing and chuckling at jokes and dodging pieces of pineapple Kurt kept throwing at her. She looked happy, and she was laughing so he was happy. He doesn't have to do much really to keep her happy, he realizes.

The scary, hyperactive drama queen they all thought she was at the beginning of glee was more toned down. Sure, she was still a Nazi when it came to songs and singing but she was really mellow now. She listened to everyone else's ideas, helped them with voice lessons, she actually taught him how to read and write sheet music for his drums and volunteered to tutor the footballers with Mercedes.

He wonders how people never really liked her in the beginning. And feels a little bad when he realizes, he though the same thing. All they had to do was listen to her for a minute and they'd seen how great she was. Yes, she was still headstrong and irritatingly insistent that they be the best for their performance but it just showed that she was determined to excel at everything she did. He can't for the life of him remember why they called her weird. And his stepbrother likes her now, and that's amazing in itself. Kurt rarely trusts anyone. He thinks these past couple of months have sure mellowed out everyone. Maybe it's the knowledge that high school was almost over. He understands that all too well.

Rachel wants to go to Broadway, and the way she sings, he thinks that'll be any day now. He watches her as she whispers with Kurt and Tina. Soon though she puts the pizza back in the box, wiping her hand on a piece of napkin then pushes her fingers against her temple. He bends over, pulling her hair behind her ear.

"You alright, babe?"

"Headache." She murmurs. He hands her a bottle of water.

"Need me to take you home?"

She nods tiredly, pushing her fingers harder at her head.

"Mr. Shue, I'm gonna take Rachel home. She has a headache." He calls out to their teacher.

"Sure. Feel better Rachel. And try to stop worrying about Nationals."

They say their goodbyes and he takes her arm as she stands up. She wobbles when she stands and he just bends down in front her. "Piggy back ride?"

She giggles and climbs on, pressing her face into his shoulder as he walks over to his truck, setting her down by the passenger door. She stumbles a little when she's on her feet but he ushers her in, pulling her to his side as he points the car towards her house. She's quiet on the way home, but she's not sleeping when he has to carry her from the car up the stairs to her room. Her father has a pained look on his face but he quietly thanks him and he makes them promise to call if anything happens.

He can't help the curiosity that gnaws at him as he drives home.

* * *

She kisses him on his birthday. He tastes like nachos and cheese and sprite and she rubs his cheek before his brother throws popcorn at them.

"Stop. You're giving me a cavity with all that sweetness."

She tosses the popcorn back at Kurt and laughs at Finn when his mother comes in with a chocolate cake and a 18 candle lit. He tugs her beside him as Burt lumbers in with a camera.

"Blow it out with me?"

"Again with the cavities!" Kurt cries out.

She bites her lip and nods, her eyes flicking to his mother and back to his. They have the same coloured eyes, Finn and his mother.

So she blows out the candle with her boyfriend and everyone cheers and she kisses him again when he presses chocolate icing to that mole on her face he's fascinated with then kisses it from her face. He wraps his arm around her and pulls her close to him and thanks her for coming. It's just the five of them sitting around the table eating cake and drinking milk, his mother has a bottle of soy milk in the fridge for her, and he has her hand under the table rubbing the skin at her wrist.

She wonders what this feeling in her stomach is, because it sure isn't butterflies.

* * *

She's been complaining of a headache all night and his mother is worried because she won't take any painkillers. It's a couple weeks after his birthday and Puck and Sam drop by for a game of Halo. She comes over with banana bread and before she can blink it's gone.

Kurt and Carole invite her to play Monopoly and he can't help but look at her every time she rubs her temple.

"No, Carole. Really, it's fine. Just migraines. They come and go. I just need to lie down for a little."

He watches her as she dozes on the couch. She's been having these headaches every now and then, every few days. He asks her fathers about it but they brush it aside and simply tell him the same story she just told his mother. He doesn't believe them, but he can't force them to tell anything else so he just keeps an eye on her. Kurt notices too and so does Mercedes.

But no one will say anything because Rachel assures them she's fine. Just tired and migraines.

He wonders if she knows she can trust him. With anything. Because he's pretty sure he's in love with her. She's more demure nowadays, and he doesn't want her to freak out or anything, so he'll keep it to himself.

He'll tell her one day.

* * *

She used to think her daddy had the most gorgeous eyes ever.

Now, Finn Hudson's amber-coloured eyes star in her dreams every night. Warm, sparkling and shining just for her as he sings, twirling her around the auditorium, stealing kisses in her bedroom, passing notes in class.

The real world blurs with her dreams sometimes because every day he greets her at her locker with a smile and a kiss, pressing his finger to the mole on her cheek before he leaves her at class.

She goes with his friends to his matches and she shouts louder than everyone else whenever he has the ball or scores. Surprisingly Santana gives her a pompom that she shakes along with the crowd as they scream his name.

Every time he scores a touchdown he looks back towards the stands, where he knows she is, and kisses his finger touching it to his cheek, right where the mole would be on her face. She misses it the first time he does it, but later that night when he greets her at his truck, he does the same thing before he kisses her mole.

"Why do you do that?" she laughs as she throws her arms around his neck.

"That m'lady is my way of telling you I'm thinking of you and that touchdown was for you." His eyes are shining as he looks down at her before he presses his lips to hers, opening the door for her before slipping in himself pulling her close to his side as he drives her home.

He doesn't complain when she fiddles with the radio in his truck. His laugh is loud when she tells him he needs some variety in music to bring life to this death-trap he drives.

* * *

She faints in a warm-up session with Mr. Shuester. He calls her father and LeRoy Berry hurries to the nurse's office to find her. She texts Finn before some rumour floats around and he comes and finds her.

_Daddy's here about to go all Mother Hen on me. They're sending me home. Come see me after practice? – R_

Her father looks at her with tears in his eyes and she wants to tell him she's OK. But he knows she doesn't really sleep through the nights anymore. She's thrown up a few times and walking into walls isn't normal. Still, she promised she'll consider treatment options after senior prom and Nationals.

"We're telling your teacher Rachel. Today. Your father and I have already agreed."

_R u OK? Need me to bring anyting? i'll brng popcorn n wtch funny grl if it mks u feel bttr – F_

She laughs, because Finn doesn't understand text-speak.

_Yes please. Thanks. – R_

_Chin up bb, feel bttr. c u 2nite – F_

When she looks up Mr. Shuester and Ms. Pillsbury are standing in the doorway. She sighs.

"Can we go the guidance counsellor's office? There's more privacy there."

Her father helps her walk towards the office, helping her in the chair when they get there. She's aware of the looks her teachers are giving her but she's not Rachel Berry for nothing so she'll put on another performance to get through the rest of today.

* * *

They're gonna kill it at Nationals.

Mr. Shue stood beside Rachel the entire time before they went on stage after pulling Mike and Brittany aside and asking if they could work out some choreography where Rachel wasn't dancing too much. He exchanges looks with Puck but says nothing because Vocal Adrenaline was out there performing and they were good.

Meh. Rachel plus Mercedes was a powerhouse. They were better.

He goes over to her before they go on stage and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. He kisses her cheek as her eyes shine up at him. He knows what he wants to say to her, what he's wanted to say to her for so long. They have Nationals today and then senior prom next week and he's really looking forward to the summer with her. Maybe even that gap year.

"Ready?"

He nods.

"Break a leg." She winks.

"I love you."

Her mouth drops open as she stares up at him and he swears he sees tears in her eyes. "Oh, Finn."

Then they're calling them out and she hurries to get in position but just before the curtain rises she looks over at him and mouths back his words to him.

He puts on the performance of his life because his girl loves him.

* * *

"Guys! Guys!" Mr. Shuester tries to get everyone under control. They're still buzzing from excitement from the win at Nationals and she can't even blame them. Still, she puts two fingers to her lips and whistles loudly, just like Noah and Finn showed her and everyone shuts up and turns to her.

Mr. Shuester laughs. "Thank you Rachel. Well, Principal Figgins and I were talking and since the team did so exceptionally well this year, we're going to put it to a vote for the one person who worked the hardest in Glee and helped the team towards victory. If we're lucky we can have this every year."

"What does the winner get Mr. Shue?" Mike pipes up.

"Well, this trophy for one." He pulls out a little box with a golden star trophy on the cover. "Flowers. And tickets for two to Breadstix."

The noise starts again but she just shakes her head and looks over her shoulder at Finn. He grins and nudges her with his chin.

"I'm handing out paper, write down the name of the person you want to vote for and we'll tally up the scores." Their teacher says.

She writes down Finn's name because he actually suggested most of the songs and printed out the sheet music for most of their performances. She'd put herself, but self-praise was rude. She'd have chosen Mercedes because she actually took minutes for meetings and recorded every single song suggestion put forward. Finn's still her first choice. So what if she's a little biased?

So when Mr. Shuester is calling her up on stage she's confused but Finn pushes her forward. She's sure she has a dopey look on her face as he hands her the little trophy, a gold star on a black base.

"We can get it engraved tomorrow." He winks and hands over the restaurant vouchers and gardenias.

She shakes her head at the headache she feels coming on and grins winningly at her teammates. This time last year none of this was real to her. Now she had a boyfriend, and friends and an award her friends  _voted_  for her to get.

"Thank you guys, I really appreciate this. I'm sure it'll find a worthy home on my shelf of countless accolades!" the laughter this time isn't mocking, they're still congratulating her and shouting out that she deserves this and Kurt and Mercedes come up to her and high five her, Noah comes up and lifts her off the floor and pretty soon so is everyone else.

She has friends. And a boyfriend. And everything just became a little bit harder.

* * *

Senior prom is like six days away and Kurt and Mercedes and Tina are huddled around them talking about dresses. He'd asked her the same day tickets came on sale and was nervous the whole day before he saw her in Glee and even when she said yes he was still fidgety.

Rachel is leaning against him as he talks to Mike and Puck about the last football game of the season, they didn't make it to the finals but they had a pretty good year all things considering. Most of the football team would leaving at the end of the school year and Coach Beiste was already running tryouts. He'd had offers from some colleges in Ohio but he was holding out for some in New York. Just as an option.

Mike wanted to go to New York too and Puck wanted to head to LA. "College chicks. Bikinis. Heaven."  _Nice._

Kurt's scream didn't register until he felt Rachel stiffen beside him, her body jerking a few times before she slid off the chair completely. His body twisted around and caught her seconds before she hit the floor. Mr. Shue runs over and kicks away the chairs around her shouting for them to step back as he sits on the floor with his girlfriend's twitching body in his lap. He cradles her head gently afraid to touch but more afraid not to.

Mike and Kurt each hold onto her hand and her feet and Puck's calling her dads and Mercedes is calling 911 and Brittany runs back in with the nurse and Ms. Pillsbury.

And he's still sitting there with Rachel in his lap. She calms down for a second but when the nurse checks her eyes they've rolled back into her head and his blood runs cold and one thought sticks out at him.

_Her headaches._

His entire body is numb as the whole class follows the ambulance towards St. Rita's Memorial. He can feel Kurt and Mercedes' eyes on him and somehow he already knows what he already suspected.

* * *

She's back in the hospital. The neurosurgeon already spoke to her parents and by now everyone has some idea of what's going on but she can't bear the look on Finn's face as he looks at her. How exactly do you look at the boy who loves you after he finds out that you have a terminal brain tumour?

She's pretended to be asleep too long so when he touches a finger to her forehead her eyes open slowly.

"Rachel." He says her name like a prayer.

"Are you mad?"

His brow creases in confusion. "Mad? Why would I be mad?"

"Because I didn't tell you." She hates that her voice sounds this small but she really can't help it. He could leave. He could tell her he doesn't love her anymore and just leave her here. And he'd have every right to.

"No, baby." He leans over and kisses her forehead.

"I mean, this can be fixed right?"

Finn. Her beautiful boy. The man who creates music with a sheet of paper or two drumsticks. Whose voice creeps over her skin and settles in her soul. Who has a future ahead of him, a life of endless possibilities and opportunities and shouldn't have to deal with this kind of heartbreak so young.

She knows he sees the answer in her eyes before she even speaks. But she says the words anyway. Tries to find the ones she needs to explain gently.

"No. It's inoperable. It's too tied into my brain to be removed, they don't want to try because," she shrugs at her next words, hating herself all the time, "there's a better chance I survive longer on my own than going under the knife."

She watches the tears gather and fall from his amber-coloured eyes. "How long?"

"They gave me two years tops, could make it three or four if I tried chemotherapy." She ignores his wince.

"And you've known all this time?"

"Two years now."

Again his brow furrows in confusion. "But." He stops to put his thoughts together. "You're almost 18. If they already gave you two years you only have a  _year_  left?" All the colour drains from his face and he clutches at her hands tighter, his body tense beside her on the bed.

"Finn." His eyes watch hers. "Lay down."

He moves his awkward body until he's lying beside her, his legs falling over the edge, face to face.

"I'm glad to finish high school. I'm trying to hang on long enough so I can at least go to France this summer. After that, I'm on borrowed time. And besides the headaches I feel fine." She presses her fingers against the freckles on his jaw and doesn't mention this is the third seizure she's had in as many days.

"I've enjoyed the past six months more than I've enjoyed the past sixteen years. I'm really happy. Fine, I'm not going to star on Broadway or go to college or have children, but for what little time I've had you I'm glad. Because I love you and you love me and I've never felt this way about anyone before. So no matter what happens tomorrow, I have this to keep me happy. Because  _loving you_  keeps me happy."

She gives up brushing tears from his face because they're falling too hard so she just lets him hold her hand to his lips and cry. She hates doing this to him. She hates herself for letting him fall in love with her and then breaking his heart like this.

Senior prom is in a couple days and then it's summer and then college and he doesn't need to be worrying about her now. She hates herself for thinking about what she has to do next. And she hates herself even more for the fact that it breaks her heart to even consider it.

So she lets him cry, her tears mixing with his own on her pillow and when her father comes in and sees them, it breaks her heart again because he's crying harder now.

* * *

Everyone's sitting around Brittany's pool a couple days after Rachel comes home from the hospital. No one went to Senior prom. They spent the day in Rachel's room playing board games and drinking apple cider. They danced to music from Mercedes' iPod and when visiting hours were over, everyone kissed her on the cheek and said ' _see ya tomorrow.'_

So now she's sitting against his legs in a bath-suit and glaring at the people sitting around her.

"You are all insane, you know that, right?"

" _We're_  insane? You do realize  _you're_  the one walking around with a fucking mass on your brain. Want to try that again?" Santana sneers. For a minute there everyone tenses then Rachel snorts in laughter, pressing her back into his chest as she shakes her head at them.

"You all know how ridiculous this sounds? We can't go backpacking over Europe. What about Artie?" she cries.

"I've been to London, and Paris. They actually have wheelchair access to a lot of places." Artie deadpans. She rolls her eyes at his flippancy.

"C'mon guys, really?"

She turns to him, her eyes pleading for support, but he can't give it because honestly, it was his idea.

He spoke with her dads while she was sleeping at the hospital. He never left. His mother stopped by between her shifts, and Kurt brought him clothes and something besides hospital crap to eat. They explained the whole thing to him, very much surprised that she never told him from the beginning and they mentioned she'd always wanted to go to Europe: England, France, Italy, Spain, and Greece. They were going to use her college fund to take her since she'd decided she wasn't going waste their money and go to college when she'd be denying someone else a place since she wasn't going to actually be around too long. He couldn't understand how she could easily dismiss some things but, he made his decision there, calling the other glee clubbers to pitch the idea to them. One year. They wanted to give Rachel one year of her dreams.

"Baby, if it's the only thing I can do for you, I want to do this. You've said what you had to. We all know now. But we all want to do this for you. We wouldn't be here if we didn't."

Her eyes flash as she looks around at the solemn group, Mr. Shuester sitting in the midst. She frowns at him and he smirks.

"I'll take a year off. They'll all defer entry to college for one year. For you Rachel. Because we  _want_  to."

"Surprised as I am at myself, it's honestly the least we can do. You yourself said you don't know how long you have left but you want to be happy for the time you have left. So if this will do that for you, why fight it?" Quinn's not being mean, he knows that. But does Rachel?

She collapses into his arms then, sobs racking her body as she soaks his shirt and everyone is quiet as they watch her cry. He blinks away the tears as he sees his brother reaching for his best friend's hand, his boyfriend's arms wrapped securely around him and Sam clutching Mercedes to his chest as she hides her face.

Quinn's eyes are red and she holds Puck's hand tightly in hers.

Tina is dabbing at her eyes from her perch on Mike's lap.

Santana has her head in her hands as Brittany rests against her shoulders.

Mr. Shue just keeps shaking his head staring at nothing.

It's a quiet Sunday, only broken by the sounds of sobs and quiet tears as the club sits together, trying to cope with the fact that the heart of their club wasn't necessarily going to be around for much longer. So just like she held him while he cried in her hospital bed, he bent his face to her hair, wrapping her tighter into his arms and did the only thing he could think of. He cried with her.

...


	2. Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty. So I may have taken a few liberties with the medical aspect of this story (I hope the gods of healthcare forgive me for such travesties) but I tried my best. I couldn't not try and squeeze some fluff into lives of my characters and I actually cried when I tried to tie things up. But it's here and it's done and I'm sorry if I made you cry. Again, my imagination plays heavily into this story so any inaccuracies I've missed in my research, I sincerely apologize. Unbeta'd.

_**Part Two** _

She's still not sold on their grand gesture for the gap year, not  _all_  of them were graduating and she honestly can't ask anyone to give up high school or college for a year; it's not fair.

But everyone tells her to not worry about that right now, all she has to do is get through graduation and Kurt's tyrannical campaign for all the Glee ladies (and himself) to look absolutely beautiful for the dinner party afterwards. Finn whispers she doesn't have to try too hard to look beautiful and she's still blushing as they wait in the lobby of the doctor's office since Finn tags along to her next appointment.

He has a secure hold on her hand as they talk to the doctor. He asks a lot of questions and she can see by the look on her parents' faces that they're impressed. She knows they like him, very much so, but the scared little boy who was blubbering on her bed all those days ago isn't here now. He and her dad basically manipulate the discussion and by the time they're back in the car going home her chest is bursting with pride for the man sitting beside her.

When they get to her house, though, he's quiet. Her father fixes them something to eat and then excuses himself to go into the den. Finn just sits there staring at his sandwich with a frown on his face.

She touches his hand and he looks up at her.

"Why didn't you tell anyone? Or even me?"

Yeah, she knew this was coming but that didn't mean she knew how to answer it. Why  _didn't_  she tell anyone?

She put both hands on top of his and sighed. She at least owed him as much.

"I didn't want anyone's pity." He opened his mouth to speak. "Wait, let me finish. For as long as I've been at McKinley I was the weird girl, for so many reasons. After I found out, I figured I'd just not try so hard and just have as much fun as I could possibly have. No one in Glee really knew me or liked me and it never really bothered me. But I figured if I could at least try and be nice, get to actually know you guys, maybe wouldn't be so hard."

He turns to face her fully, their hands still entwined.

"I didn't tell anyone because as soon as I figured I'd stop being such a hard-ass, there was no need to be the best at everything again and people actually started giving  _me_  a chance. Glee became fun. You asked me out."

She blushes at that.

"And when I finally started enjoying myself, it became harder and harder to come out with the words."

"All those times you had headaches, it really had me worried Rach. Promise me, no matter what it is, you won't keep it from me. Please?"

She nods, the drops her head, closes her eyes and sighs.

"I was going to break up with you." His face is hard when she opens her eyes and looks at him.

"Why?"

"Because, Finn." She tried to pull her hands free. He won't let her.

"You're supposed to go to college, go enjoy life, get drunk at frat parties and date beautiful girls while…" the look on his faces shuts her up.

"That's a dumb reason. I can still go to college, I  _am_  still going to college, I may even get drunk at frat parties and all that but I'm already dating a beautiful girl so your point is moot. Try again."

A tiny part of her whispers that she should let him go, let him live his life without her, give him a chance to be get out Lima and be happy. Without her. But she can't. She already knows Finn is the only thing that will help her get through this.

She crawls onto his lap and doesn't argue with him.

* * *

He's asleep when his phone rings a few nights before graduation at two in the morning.

Rachel's dad tells him they're on the way to the hospital because Rachel fainted in the bathroom and hit her head on the floor. He's in his truck still wearing his pyjamas by the time her father finishes talking, with Kurt beside him, on the way to the hospital.

"Rachel."

She turns to look at him with unhappy eyes but reaches her hand out to him. He gets as close to her as he can get without lying right beside her and he stays there until the doctor comes in. He's stays there when they talk to her about the medication they're going to put her on.

He stays and listens because this is her life, and it's become his life too.

* * *

Graduation turns out to be the most fun she's had since their win from Nationals.

Santana and Mercedes do her hair and make-up (Mercedes works magic on covering up the bruise on her forehead) and Kurt already found  _the most perfect Barbra-approved dress_ (his words). Her dad's smile is broad as he snaps picture after picture until her daddy has to chase him out of the room. Her daddy's laugh is genuine as he winks at her and follows his husband out.

She's a bit giddy as they get dressed. She didn't go to junior prom and well, she was in the hospital for senior prom so they make an affair out of getting ready, their own version of prom, and one by one the boys show up in her living room to pick up their dates – even though they're all dressed in red graduation gowns and half their group isn't even graduating.

There's quite the affair on her front lawn as everyone poses for pictures with the graduates, girls only, then boys only, then Kurt and the girls, then Santana and the guys and it's loud and fantastic and she's ridiculously happy. They pile into Finn and Puck's trucks and Kurt's SUV and head towards school, still boisterous and laughing as Coach Sylvester shouts for them to line up alphabetically. Finn kisses her quickly before Mike whisks her away but they're not really sitting side by side so she doesn't really have anything to do but sit still and listen.

When they call her name she gets up and walks daintily towards the stage, only to hear catcalls and whistles and singing? She stops, one foot on stage to look behind her and all her friends are standing by their seats dancing.

"We want the funk!  _Go Berry_!" They keep repeating this as she stands there grinning. She can see her fathers and Finn's parents and the rest of the club in the audience doing the same thing and Principal Figgins has to call her name again. She goes and collects her diploma and they're still chanting. On her way back to her seat she slaps palms with Mike and grins.

She joins in with the chanting that her team members start up every time one of them goes on stage and isn't really surprised at the deafening uproar for Quinn, Finn and Santana.

Mike breakdances across the stage, Mercedes pumps her fist in the air when Principal Figgins hands her diploma to her and Sam whistles loudly from the audience. Finn touches the side of his nose as he winks at her when he walks off stage, Kurt does his beauty queen wave and Noah does his trademark hip thrust.

When it's finally over, she throws her mortar board high and practically leaps into Finn's arms as he comes over to her.

"I made it, Finn. I'm still here. And I graduated high school!" Her arms are tight around his neck, feet off the ground and he hugs her tight.

"You did baby. I'm proud of you."

She pulls her head back. "You're proud of me? You're going to college Finn!  _You_  graduated high school and you're  _going_  to play college football! Babe,  _that_  is amazing!" she laughs.

He bends to kiss her quickly and grins at her. "Yes. And you're still fighting. Still happy."

She hugs him again and squeaks when someone pulls her away from his arms. "Oh god, can you stop mauling each other for five minutes? Come Berry, we're making a quick stop somewhere."

She looks back helplessly towards Finn and then back to Santana who's dragging her away past the graduates, Mercedes and Quinn behind them.

"Where are we going?"

"It's our version of senior prank."

She falters. She's never gotten in trouble before. "Which is?"

Santana turns to her with a wicked smirk. "Mess up Figgins office.

She digs her heel into the floor to stop her teammates. "I will do no such thing! We could get in trouble for that."

"Rachel. We've graduated. What could he possibly do to us? Besides, we'll be long gone before he comes back and I know where the security cameras are."

She opens her mouth to ask Santana how she knows where the cameras are but thinks better of it. It's her last day of high school. So why not live a little.

She'll try the bad girl hat on just this one time.

* * *

Honestly, the day was going pretty well so when it morphs into their first big fight ever, he's genuinely surprised.

They're at the community pool with Puck, Quinn, Sam and Santana and the girls flit away to one side and he's sitting with Puck and Sam at the shallow end of the pool laughing and spraying people around them. He has an eye on Rachel as usual until he can't see her anymore.

He sees Quinn and Santana on the other side, but no Rachel. Suddenly there's a splash and she surfaces not far from the two girls who are clapping and cheering her on. He looks up and figures that she just dived from one of the platforms above.

What the hell?

She looks over at him and he waves her over. Did she really jump from a frickin' diving board?

"Hi!"

"Um, Rachel? Did you just dive from up there?" he pointed towards one of the platforms behind her.

She furrows her brows and then nods. "Yes. Why?"

"Are you crazy? Supposed something happened to you when you were doing that?" Rachel purses her lips then looks over at Puck and Sam. She looks back at him then lets out a breath. She pulls herself out of the water and stands beside him in a one piece one-shoulder pink and black swimsuit and that bare shoulder keeps distracting him.

"Finn. I've dived from that board before. What's so different in me diving again?" Her narrowed eyes should have been a dead giveaway for him to think before he speaks but he doesn't.

"Because everything is different now. You're not supposed to be going around doing anything that may worsen your condition. What if you'd fainted on the board? What if you'd had a headache that only got worse when you went underwater? What if you'd had a seizure  _in_ the water? You can't keep pretending like you're fine and dandy Rachel."

Her eyes bored into him and he should probably stop talking now but he knows he has a point. He stands up, towering over her. She steps to him.

"It's my life Finn. I'll live it however I see fit."

"Yes, Rachel. It is your life but you're not the only one hurting here. You have to know there are some things you have to be careful with. This being one of them." He points to the pool.

"You won't even consider chemotherapy even though you know it'll help with your headaches!"

He's yelling now and drawing a crowd and he's getting pissed the longer this conversation goes on.

Her eyes are like slits of fire as she draws herself up to her full height and speaks, ice dripping from each word. "You are taking me home right now."

"Fine." He sneers and walks off towards his truck, not bothering to look if she was following him. She's sniffing as he drives towards her house but her whole body is turned away from him. They could talk about this instead of fighting but she refuses to answer him when he calls her name, choosing to sit there and cry.

He drops her off then drives home angry as hell but stops at his front door. He can see his parents and Kurt inside sitting around the TV and for the first in a long time his shoulders slump and he just feels like a little boy. As he steps in he can feel Kurt's glare on him so he knows he's already spoken to Rachel. He ignores his brother.

He's in the kitchen when his mother comes in but he doesn't turn around because he's not in the mood for an argument right now. Everything is just too much. She touches his arm and calls his name.

"Finn, sweetie. Look at me."

He isn't expecting to see his mother crying and now he feels like a dick because first Rachel and now his mom and he's not good with women crying around him at all. So he just pulls her into his arms because that's what he should've done with his girlfriend. He lets her cry for a little but then she's pulling him back towards the family room and the TV's off and Burt and Kurt give him matching heartbroken looks, though Kurt seems to be warring between being mad at him and sorry for him and he just wants to catch one break.

One good thing must can come from this whole shitpile of drama.

"Listen, son. I know. I know what you must be feeling right now. You can't go on doing this to yourself." Burt's eyes are gentle as he stares at the man and that feeling of helplessness just takes over him again and he collapses into the chair beside his mother, his face in his hands.

He tells them everything that Kurt doesn't already know and when he chokes out the end of the story his face is wet, his nose is running and he's just scared. His mother sits on one side, Burt on the next and Kurt in front of him on the coffee table.

"Oh baby." His mother buries her head into his shoulder. He knows what she can't say. There's nothing a mother can do or say to ease her child's heartbreak. His girlfriend was dying and there was literally nothing anyone could do about it.

"You can't pretend Finn. You can't pretend that something big isn't looming ahead, something you know is coming and is just a matter of when." Burt's hand grips his shoulder.

"Now, I'm not saying I know how you feel, but it was the same thing for me and Kurt's mom. Cancer took her from us too soon and she fought until the very end. The chemo was terrible, Kurt probably doesn't remember it, but it took too much out of her. Sure, it gave her more time, but the woman lying in the hospital wasn't the Elizabeth I married. I loved her then, even more so during chemo and I still love her now. But she made her choice and all I could do was support her."

Kurt sniffles and he looks up at his stepbrother who just shrugs at him with wet eyes. "Rachel doesn't want to be treated differently Finn. She wants you to look at her the same way you looked at her in Glee, at Nationals, the way you looked at her before she had that first seizure."

"But, I can't. She can't keep doing the same things she's been doing if she wants to live longer." His voice is thick with tears but he doesn't care.

"Being Rachel Berry is why she's going to live longer, Finn. If you treat her like some kind of porcelain doll she's going to resent you for it. If you baby her and refuse to let her be herself she'll hate you for that. And the chemo thing, she won't do it. You and I both know it, and if you keep bringing that up you'll just break her heart even more."

He drops his head back into his hands and cries some more. "So what am I supposed to do? Someone please tell me! Because I'm afraid to fall asleep every night because I'm afraid I'll fall asleep and she won't be alive when I wake up."

His mother pulls his head to her chest and she rocks him slowly and pats his back. He doesn't care that he's sitting in his living room crying like a baby, he just had a stupid fight with his girlfriend because he was scared and she was acting like some superhero.

He stays like that with his family until the doorbell rings and Kurt comes back into the room with someone wearing black ballerina flats. He looks up to see Rachel standing there twisting her hands.

"Baby, are you alright?" he's beside her in two strides grabbing her hands into his. She shakes her head with tears in her eyes.

Behind him he notices everyone else leave.

"I am scared Finn. Every day. But I will not do chemotherapy. I've tried radiation therapy before, and I hated it. I didn't feel like me. And I want to still  _be_  me when this is all over. But I'm better at being me if you're with me."

"I'm not going anywhere Rach."

She watches his eyes for beat then steps closer to him. "Please don't treat me any differently Finn. I know you want to protect me, but this is something you can't protect me from."

He nods and presses his forehead to hers, very much aware that he was crying again. "I'm sorry baby, I'm so sorry."

"It's OK, Finn. You know I'll love you forever right?" her fingers flitter over his jaw and he nods. "And it's OK to be scared."

"I love you and I'm scared. I'm so scared, Rachel." He falls to the floor and she sinks down in front him and amidst his tears he realizes the irony that  _she's_  the one comforting  _him._

* * *

To her credit, she's actually speechless when  _Santana_ works with her fathers in order to settle arrangements for their trip abroad. She takes point on getting information on all the graduates, making sure they've gotten in contact with their chosen schools and have confirmation on the security on their places for the following school year.

She, Kurt and the Berrys talk to the parents of the incoming McKinley seniors, giving them itineraries on where and when they'll be travelling, addresses and contact information of the motels and hotels on their trip. She answers all the questions put forward and reassures them the club members will be chaperoned by the Berrys, Mr. Shuester and Ms. Pillsbury and that there will be days set aside for studying and what have you. Mr. Shue and Principal Figgins work out some distance education arrangement and before she knows it, she's sitting at the Dayton International on a Thursday evening with a carry-on and a ticket to London-Heathrow in her hands.

Everyone is at the airport, parents, sisters and brothers and even her father Hiram's youngest sister. She sits between her dads as the rest of the Glee club say their goodbyes to their families until Carole calls her over.

The woman envelops her into a bone-crushing hug, peppering kisses onto her hair. She lets her hold her like that, because she's never had this before, the love of a mother, her aunt doesn't really count, so she's really happy that Finn, and Kurt, are willing to share.

"You have fun sweetheart. Let loose, just not too much. And take care of yourself, you hear?" Carole pats her shoulder affectionately, wiping away her tears. She turns to both her sons. "You take absolutely immaculate care of her."

They nod. She giggles at the frightened looks on their faces.

She turns to Burt and holds her hand out for him to shake. He looks at her and pulls her into a hug, patting her back awkwardly before releasing her.

"Have fun kiddo. Make every day count." He grins broadly at her. She nods and returns his grin.

Her fathers come over to talk to the Hummels again and Kurt and Mercedes pull her aside, snapping more pictures even though they'll be together for the next eleven months. Artie pulls her onto his lap for a group picture and when Kurt snaps a picture of the irritated look on Finn's face, they laugh at him until he kisses her to stop.

When Mr. Shuester and Ms. Pillsbury walk over to them tells them it's time to go, she grips Finn's hands tight in hers, following behind her fathers as they follow the group towards check-in.

She turns one last time to look at Carole and Burt, not sure why, but the woman kisses her fingers and then waves at her, Burt giving her a short nod. Finn glances back and waves at his parents again, pulling her closer into him.

She's actually looking forward to this trip now, and she plans on taking Burt's advice to heart.

* * *

Rachel's fathers are cruel.

He knows they trust him, and he has never been untoward to their daughter but actually sitting right beside Rachel and him on the plane, not cool. Kurt, Mercedes, Blaine and Artie are sitting in the row two seats to the front of the plane, and everyone else is paired off behind them.

And five minutes into a ten hour flight, he gets bored. And well, his girlfriend is right beside him, and so are her fathers.

Rachel's fathers are cruel.

Eventually, she hands him one of her iPod headphones and leans her head on his shoulder, their hands entwined on his lap. She dozes off to sleep to the soundtrack to  _Les Mis_  and he really doesn't mind it because it's putting him to sleep too.

A flash from his right wakes him from semi-sleep and Kurt is kneeling on his chair, camera in his hands. He growls at his brother who smirks and sits back down.

He huffs and settles back into his seat, movement to his right catches his eye and Hiram rubs his hand over his face."

He's crying as he looks over at them.

"Sorry." He mutters.

"No problem."

"She's really happy." He says, looking down at his sleeping daughter.

"She should be."

The older man nods.

"You make her happy and she deserves as much happiness as she can get. You're good for her. So, thank you."

He looks back down at the girl nestled into his side, dark hair spilling over her shoulders, her fingers threaded through his. She looks as peaceful and perfect as a sleeping baby and he wants to keep her like this forever. She must have heard his thoughts because a small smile spreads across her face, and she turns more fully into his shoulder. He lifts his hand to wrap around her shoulder and she sighs sleepily onto his chest.

"She deserves the world." He murmurs, kissing her head.

Her father nods.

Her fathers love her.

* * *

Her dads disappear the next morning after kissing her on the cheek. Originally, this leg of their trip is for business, so they'll do that before the fun stuff.

"We'll try and get everything tied up here soon. We'll go as far as Italy, hang around until you get back from Greece?" Hiram says to his husband.

LeRoy nods. They're having breakfast in the hotel, just the three of them. It's nice, just like when she was younger.

"So you guys can go out and paint the town red, sightsee the sights of London, give trouble like all Americans tend to do. Oh, you absolutely have to check out Madame Tussaud's." he grins.

"I wonder if there's a wax figure of Barbra Streisand?" She wonders.

He shrugs. "Not sure. They do rotate them between the museums. But you already saw her in New York."

She gives her a father a look. "Right. Sorry."

They kiss her goodbye and she rushes back to the room Finn shares with Kurt and Blaine, and they're still sleeping. In the room adjoining theirs, the girls are still sleeping too so she goes back to her room that shares with Tina and Mercedes. Everybody is asleep.

So she does what she does best. She plans, she pulls out her black and gold binder, and plans the next eleven months of her life.

She writes some letters while she's at it.

* * *

London is loud. And fun.

Mr. Shuester and Ms. Pillsbury basically disappear after telling them to have fun, and be safe.

"Noah, no drinking." Mr. Shuester warns before slipping away with Ms. Pillsbury.

They go everywhere, do everything and more. London Eye, the National Gallery and the Tower of London. Even Puck is amazed. They linger on the London Eye before Mike and Sam start getting queasy and when Artie suggests the Natural History Museum, even the non-nerds are all excited.

Everyone is a chatterbox as they walk through Madame Tussaud's. They get their pictures taken with royalty and superstars and people from history and Artie and Mike practically tear up beside the statue of Michael Jackson, its hell prying them away. He has to put some muscle into it.

"He's a legend, Finn! A masterpiece!" Mercedes keeps a firm hold on Artie's chair, turning his head back around forcibly as he tries to lean around her.

"Look around or I'll break your neck spinning it around white boy." She snaps.

Tina chuckles as she pulls Mike away too and the boy scowls the further he's pulled away. Hey, he can understand, it's almost the same reaction he had to seeing Angelina Jolie and Helen Mirren, that woman got more beautiful with age.

The look on Rachel's face is pure awe when she sees the wax replica of Barbra Streisand. He walks up behind her as she touches the hand.

"Hey."

She turns to him and smiles.

"Want me to take your picture with the greatest singer of all time?" he grins, nudging her with his hip. Her smile falls a little when she looks back at the statue and shakes her head.

"No. I already have one from when we went to New York." Her smile when she turns back to face him is forced. "I'm good."

Well, wow. Rachel passing up a photo-op with Barbra Streisand? Even when it's not the real thing? Doesn't seem like her. But she takes his hand and tugs him away to follow the rest of their friends on the tour.

The brochure says you can get your own picture drawn and then superimposed with a celebrity and scene of your choice. It costs a pretty penny, but it'd be worth it.

"C'mon Rach, please?" she pouts and finally relents when he tells her, he's already paid for the drawing, all she needs to do is pose.

When it's done, he points out the picture he wants matched then agrees to come back in half hour to pick it up.

"It's a surprise, you'll have to wait." He murmurs to her when she asks. She sticks her bottom lip out and turns away from him.

Rachel hates surprises, he knows. But he hates that look on her face, so he'll deal with her wrath later if it comes to it. He picks it up just before they leave for dinner and grins at the finished product.

After dinner, when everyone is just hanging out in the yard of the hotel, loud and happy, he slips away with her hand in his, handing her the drawing.

Her eyes sparkle with tears in the darkness and he's pretty sure they're happy tears because she wraps her arms around him and presses her lips to his. Her barely whispered  _thank you_  feels like a caress.

They go to Trafalgar square with her fathers and their teachers the next afternoon. The boys stand beside the guards outside Buckingham palace and Finn is the taller than the tallest man, hat and all.

Rachel hasn't complained of a headache once since they got to London. And her smile was in full effect the entire time.

* * *

Kurt finds her throwing up in the bathroom about two weeks into their trip. Its 4am and Kurt fell asleep in their room after a day of shopping.

She looks up at him and he stares at her, getting down onto the ground beside her and brushing her hair away from her face.

"You need anything?" he asks quietly. She wants Finn, she always wants Finn, but he spent the day with the guys doing some bumper car thing and he was dog tired, she knew as much. She shakes her head.

"Stay with me?"

Kurt pulls her against his chest, stroking her hair as he sings quietly to her, holding her hair back when she throws up again, handing her the mouthwash after.

He stays with her, after she throws up again twice, and that's where Mercedes and Tina find them in the morning.

* * *

He takes her to see  _Chicago_  at the Cambridge Theatre with Kurt and Blaine. There are stars in her eyes throughout the entire performance and she talks nonstop as they walk back towards the hotel.

He knows she didn't sleep much the other day, no one told him, really, but he knew her well enough when she was trying too hard to act like there was nothing wrong. Still, he lets her talk animatedly, her hand tight in his as they follow Blaine and Kurt. He won't take away tonight from her.

They go swimming the next afternoon. Her fathers and Mr. Shuester tag along. Ms. Pillsbury opts to stay in; she's not a fan of public pools.

They play chicken with the rest of the club. She's referee, with Mr. Shuester, one look at his face when the game is suggested and she doesn't even protest. He's glad when she decides to sit this one out, dragging Mercedes to sit down beside her.

It's him and Brittany against Hiram and Tina in the end. Everyone is cheering in from the side-lines and Rachel is screaming out nonsense to her dad.

"You're supposed to be on my side Rachel!" he laughs, regaining his balance after Tina gets a good shove in. Brittany retaliates but Mr. Berry compensates and spins around in the turn.

"Gooey macaroni Dad!"

"What the hell is she screaming?" He asks Brittany.

"I don't know!" she squeals. Mr. Berry slinks to his right, then his left and just spins around again and Tina just shoves at Brittany's thighs, toppling both of them over in the water.

They surface to cheers and Rachel's high laugher as she jumps into her father's arms. She grins over at him. "We're still undefeated at Dad's company picnics."

She winks at him and he reaches for her, pulling her into the water with everyone else. "Finn!" She squeals.

Right now is almost enough that they all forget the real reason they're here. The smile on her face and the laughter bubbling from her throat as he spins her around in the water is enough to make him dream of waking up those eyes every day for the rest of his life.

Almost.

* * *

She spends her 18th birthday in bed with Finn for the first time.

She celebrates by having breakfast with her fathers in the morning, lunch with the girls (and Kurt) and dinner at a restaurant in London with the entire club, Mr. Shue, Ms. Pillsbury and her fathers. Finn gives her a red tulip before they leave that night, kisses her cheek and holds his hand out to escort her to dinner. Her smile is wide for the rest of the evening.

She wakes up with his kisses on her cheek and another red tulip in his hands.

"I love you. And I wish for you many more birthdays."

She touches her lips gently to his and he covers her body with his. She spends the rest of the day after her birthday in his arms too.

* * *

Kurt, Mercedes and Quinn disappear the second they check in at the motel in Paris. Out of the whole club, they, besides Rachel were the only one fluent enough to actually talk to anyone they met on the road. Her fathers are holed up in their motel room working. Mr. Shuester and Ms. Pillsbury don't really hang with them much, Ms. Pillsbury loves art. So once they check in, they leave. They did the same thing in London. And no one really does any schoolwork.

They just lounge around the motel the first day, playing cards and relaxing.

"So, the Eiffel Tower tour, I don't think Finn should come with." Santana says, tapping her pencil against her cheek. He doesn't bother looking at her because he knows she's just being a bitch. Rachel though asks why.

"Because Finnocence here might lean over too far and become a splattered mancake on Paris' beautiful grounds."

"Don't be a bitch, Santana." He glares at her.

"I'm just saying. Have you seen you? Put you too close to the edge and ka-blooey!"

Really, he knows she's just lashing out because Brittany opted to stay behind with Artie at their motel. But Santana isn't Santana if she's not being cold and heartless so he says nothing.

Santana gripping onto Rachel scared out of her wits? Priceless. He and Puck snap picture after picture of the look on her face, even as Rachel holds her hand in hers, Santana refuses to open her eyes. As soon as they get to the ground floor, she chases after them and Mike and Mercedes take videos of that, teasing Santana the entire time. Weren't cheerleaders supposed to be OK with being on top of the pyramid? He smirks at the furious look on Santana's face.

They're eating lunch at some café near the tower, Rachel and Kurt conversing in nearly fluent French with each other much to the chagrin of everyone around. So he ignores them, her feet on his lap as he talks to Puck and Mike.

The conversation stalls and Kurt calls his name. He turns his to his brother and Kurt's eyes are wide as he stares over at Rachel. She has both hands to her head, pressing her fingers against her temple.

"Rachel?"

"It's my eyes." She whispers.

He scoops her up in his arms, shouts at Kurt to settle the bill and walks quickly to a tour bus.

"Hospital." He snaps. He figures the word should be easy to understand in any language and is relieved when the driver nods. He cradles his girlfriend to his chest as she moans and as soon as everyone is piled into the bus they drive off towards the hospital at near breakneck speed. Santana has a hand on Rachel's calf and Kurt and Mercedes are hugging each other. He presses his lips to her forehead, murmuring comfort to her as she moans.

She spends the night in the hospital. She seizes in his arms as they walked through the hospital doors and Kurt had to step in as translator to explain what had happened and what was wrong.

He figures the word  _tumour_  is fairly easy to understand when Kurt says it, his voice high and hands waving wildly. He's grateful when they lead him to a room and indicates he should put her on the bed. They say something in French and he looks at Kurt and then the doctor.

"I'm not leaving her." Kurt translates. He ignores whatever else the man says, just holds Rachel's hand in his as her body arches on the bed in front of him.

Her fathers arrive not soon after and he reluctantly steps away, nodding at LeRoy Berry when the man thanks him.

He walks out into the hallway and slides onto the ground beside the door of her room and drops his head in his hands. He barely notices when Kurt sits on one side and Mercedes on the other. And he doesn't really care that everyone can see him cry.

He really hates the bad days.

* * *

Their trip to Madrid is postponed because of her stay in the hospital but she makes her fathers promise that they will go soon. Finn and her fathers look at each other and then nod slowly.

She spends the train ride there curled up beside Tina as they look through a magazine, ignoring Kurt and Finn as they watch her. She knows she won't get away with much as long as they keep up the bodyguard behaviour.

Quinn, Mike, Sam and Artie are sitting with Mr. Shuester, Spanish flowing easily between them. She looks over at them when Quinn says c _antante de ojo castano_ and smirks. Puck looks over at her and raises an eyebrow.

"You know what they just said, right?"

"You don't?" She asks. She knows his mother loves those Spanish soap operas, she hears the woman talking about it often at temple.

"'Brown-eyed singer'? Pretty sure they aren't talking about Tina."

Tina looks up when she hears her name. "What about me?"

She laughs lightly and shakes her head. She nods over at Mr. Shue and the others. "They're saying I should take it easy the next couple of days. Not try and exert myself. And no bull-riding."

Kurt snorts.

"Seriously, Berry. You need to chill. No badass behaviour from you. You almost gave Finn a heart attack." Noah says quietly.

Finn has his eyes closed now, his head leaning against his seat.

"I know, Noah. It's not like I can predict my days. And I thought this was about having fun? Sitting around and worrying when next is as far from the definition of fun."

He glares at her.

"True. But you could take it easy. None of us really want to go through that day again anytime soon. As soon as you keep it simple, you should be fine, right?"

She's tired, so she doesn't argue. She closes her eyes and pretends to drift away. She's not sleeping when Tina shifts and Finn takes her place but she says nothing. Her dreams are always better when he's around.

* * *

The New Year in Spain was beautiful, not that Rachel got to spend most of it outside or having fun. Her fathers practically had her on bedrest while they worked from their motel room. When Rachel complained enough they allowed her to hang out with the others, with explicit instructions to keep off her feet.

She was still tired and breathing heavier since the episode in Paris, so while he and the other graduates went out and had fun, Mr. Shue kept her inside with the seniors for some well neglected distant learning.

She helped mark assignments, helped them while they worked and slept when they didn't need her around. She'd wake up with him beside her most of the time, or Kurt or Mercedes, sometimes Tina, Puck or Santana. He liked that they all took the time to spend time with her. Except Quinn, they hadn't warmed to each other yet. He really didn't care.

"Are you going to be this much of a hardass for the rest of the trip?" Rachel was relaxing with him in a hammock one cool evening behind their motel. Her fathers were sitting inside after dinner, talking to Mr. Shue and Ms. Pillsbury.

"If it comes to it."

"Finn."

"Rachel. I'm not arguing with you. You remember what your doctors said. And the dudes from the French hospital. You need to take it easy, tone down on the excitement."

"I know all that, but you can't keep me cooped up inside the motel with everyone else. I'll go crazy. I promise I'll behave and not get too overexcited and stay out of the sun and whatever silly promise I need to make. I want to go to the beach."

He chuckles. "Tomorrow's some bull-fighting thing."

She scowls. "You know my fathers won't allow me to go to that."

"I know. Everyone is going."

She curses.

"I don't have to."

She twists in his arms with a wicked smirk on her face and buries her nose in his shirt. His heart beats a little too fast when she looks up at him again.

He volunteers to stay behind with her while Mr. Shue takes everyone, Ms. Pillsbury and her fathers on an excursion, to explore Spanish history and culture. Her fathers kiss her on the cheek and tell them to behave. He nods politely, fingers crossed behind his back.

He takes her to the beach on a moped, and they walk along the sand. He buys her tacos from a stand and teases her when she nibbles on a chicken taco. They drink lemonade and stroll back slowly towards the motel.

"It's too hot." She moans. She's dressed in cotton shorts and a tank top with flip flops. Her skin looks almost golden and he reaches out a cold finger to trail over her shoulder. He can feel the goosebumps as they raise over her skin.

He tosses ice from his lemonade at her.

"Finn!"

"You said you were hot. I was trying to cool you down." He says innocently.

"Yea, well, throwing ice at me isn't helping."

"Oh." He empties the rest of his drink over her head then bends to suck at her neck.

"Did that help?"

They make love in the shower, slowly, quickly and again before they get dressed. He marks her neck and her thighs then begs her to get dressed before her fathers come back and kill him.

They wake up around dinnertime and he lifts her in his arms and brings her to the café they're having dinner at, depositing her in a chair between her fathers. He smirks at her the entire time through dinner.

Every time he takes a sip of his lemonade her cheeks colour. It looks beautiful against her tanned skin.

She falls asleep beside Santana this time on the train back to Paris, their time in Spain the shortest they've spent yet. They're only spending one night in Paris before they head to Florence and after Kurt and Puck disappear, he takes her back to the Eiffel Tower.

There, he kisses her for every day they've spent in Europe so far, his lips lingering on hers when a nearby clock strikes midnight.

"I love you." He kisses her.

"Je t'aime." He kisses her again.

"Ti amo."

"We aren't in Italy yet." She breathes against his lips.

He smiles. "I'm getting a headstart."

She laughs and throws her hands around his neck. He adds another good day to his mental tally.

* * *

They split up for dates on Valentines' Day and Finn and Sam fall off a gondola their third day in Italy. She and Mercedes try hard not to laugh at them, but it's next to impossible. Finn actually squeals when a frog hops off his back and swims away.

Back at their motel, the others laugh at them once they relay the story and the two men walk away sulking.

She knows Finn's not really mad at her but she goes after him anyway once the rest have them have calmed down. He's sitting on a chair in their room pulling clothes from his bag. He looks up at her then cuts his eyes away from her back to his bags.

"You're not talking to me?"

He doesn't answer. She tries not to laugh.

"You've kissed me more times in a day in Paris than we've been here in Florence. Unfair." She crosses her arm and looks at him. He shakes his head and tries to fight a smile.

He gets up and kisses her quickly. "That's one more to the tally. I'll kiss you, but I'm not talking to you. You're mean." He wags a finger in front of her and kisses her again before going into the bathroom.

He kisses her cheek again when he comes out for dinner but doesn't speak to her, choosing only to address his brother and everyone else.

"Mercedes, do you think you want to room with me for the rest of this trip? Since those two are giving us the silent treatment?"

"Not happening." Sam says curtly looking at Mercedes, she covers her smile with her hand and looks over at her.

"Good idea Rach. Let them sulk together." she grins.

"Rachel isn't going anywhere and you're staying in your room with him tonight." Finn points at Mercedes and Sam in turn. Then he points to her. "Don't be a smartass."

She snickers. "Now you're talking to me?"

He tries to not smile but has to. "If I must."

"Wuss." Noah calls out. Quinn smacks him.

"I'm guessing we shouldn't tell them that you ate so much you threw up twice before dinner? Drinking so much wine in France and again as soon as you get here. No offense to you Rachel, but he spent more time over the toilet than you have since you've been on the trip."

"Babe, shut up."

"I will not. At least Rachel's a trooper. You cry like a baby."

She should be offended, but she's learned that Santana and Quinn express their fondness in odd ways so she'll take this as a win.

Finn and Sam guffaw at Noah's embarrassment.

"Yea, well, at least I didn't have actual frogs in my pants." He waggles his eyebrows at Finn.

She can't help it, she bursts out laughing, even as Finn's glaring at her. He holds her hand under the table, rubbing his thumb over her fingers. Her heart flips when he pulls one of the flowers from the vase from the table and tucks it behind her ear.

He leans over and kisses her again. "We need to beat the Paris score."

* * *

Puck proposes to Quinn. In Italian. In public.

She says yes.

In Italian.

This in and of itself isn't surprising. Much. They all knew they'd get together one day. It's just the one day isn't supposed to be at 19. Still. Puck as a married man?

Puck's sitting across from him with a beer in his hand and a smug look on his face. The women are sitting at a separate table all ogling Quinn's ring. Even Rachel is in awe. She's pressed beside Quinn into the booth with a dreamy look on her face as she listens to them talk around her. He's glad for her good days.

"You're welcome by the way you know." Kurt says.

"Why's he thanking you?" Blaine asks in confusion.

"I helped him buy the ring in Paris. He knows absolutely nothing about jewellery." Kurt drawls.

"Dude, she's not pregnant, is she?" Artie asks.

"What? No!"

"Puck, you can't get married. You can't even stay  _in_  a relationship longer than a month." Sam says.

"I've been with Quinn almost three years!" Puck fumes.

"No. She cheated on me with you. We broke up. You hooked up with Santana, Brittany, Mercedes and even Rachel -,"

"Hold up,  _you_  dated Mercedes? When?" Sam interrupts.

"Dude. It was two days and you weren't even at McKinley yet. Chill." Puck pointed to him.

"I only dated Rachel for 10 days because my mother was on my case about dating a nice Jewish girl. Besides, your girl is nutty in the head, no pun intended." He holds his hands up placating.

"Whatever. Point is. You can't settle for one woman." He points his beer at Puck. "Wait, is this because she's going to Yale?"

Puck shrugs. "Sorta. She's been there every time man. She doesn't think I'm a loser or anything and I really love her. Have since freshman year. I was too much of an asshole back then, so she chose the better man."

He nods, there are no hard feelings there because even though he'd stayed with Quinn when she cheated, he only did it to maintain her image, he couldn't trust her afterwards. Senior year brought many a change. And he and Puck were better friends because of it.

"Alright. So what are you going to do about school? And Quinn isn't going to get married to you right now or tomorrow. You know she's gonna wait at least until she's graduated for that."

"Santana, man. That girl will be money in the future. I'm going to community college there, keep up my pool cleaning business, I might add painting and landscaping to it as well. New Haven had a lot of pools and yards. Santana helped me find a school and register my business in the state. After Quinn graduates, we'll figure out the next step."

"Hmm. Wow." Mike says.

Well, congrats man." They all tilt their drinks toward Puck and he nods in acknowledgement.

"You do know that's the last woman you're ever going to sleep with, right?" Artie says again.

"Ever." He reiterates.

"Whatever. Don't act like you've never thought about it too Finn." He narrows his eyes at his best friend. "I know that look."

Puck looks over back at the girls and if he wasn't there to see it, the playboy had officially hung up his shoes.

"Good to know you're good with your tongue too. Bet Quinn had fun teaching you Italian." He snickers.

"I taught the fool how to say it." Kurt mutters.

They all laugh at the look of horror on Puck's face. "Pretty sure his tongue will be getting lots of action tonight though, all night long." Sam smirks.

"Dick." Pucks curses, but he smiles into his beer.

Puck was right, he had thought about what it'd be like to be married to Rachel. Before everything else… he knows they say you aren't supposed to find your true love so young and even though he's only dated three women, he knows Rachel is it for him, for as long as she wants him. He thinks back to the pouch he got from his father's safe deposit box and the idea takes root in his head.

When in Rome…

* * *

She stays with Finn the entire ferry ride from Bari to Corfu. He handles flights and trains just fine, but the green tinge to his face as the boat moves through the water – she knows he can't feel it but he complains that just  _seeing_  the water makes him uncomfortable, so she'll play nurse. He falls asleep four hours into a five hour trip and is cranky when she wakes him. He's just lucky she loves him.

After he's thrown up the millionth time on the taxi ride towards their motel she sends him to bed.

"Honestly, he's like a big baby." She laughs with Kurt as they watch him slink away.

"Just give Finny D some sex and he'll right as rain in five minutes." Noah smirks.

"Noah!"

"What?" he responds mimicking her.

"Don't be rude."

"Don't tell me you're not thinking about it now." He grins. She should tell him to stay out of her business but the tiny little part of her screaming that he's right won't shut up and her face is beet red as she hurries after Finn.

Noah is known to give sound advice at times.

* * *

There are only three weeks left in their year of travel. They've stayed in Greece the longest and she absolutely loves it here; she and Kurt joke that if they could choose just one place to live out the rest of their lives Corfu would be it.

He actually considers staying there when he hears her say that. He exchanges a look with Kurt before turning away.

They're having dinner on the beach, like they've done almost every night there and he watches her as she talks to her fathers, sitting on the sand. It's been three years to the day since she's found out about the tumour. She's managed three years and he keeps his fingers crossed that maybe they can fight for three more years together.

She's looks stronger today, although the days vary. From those where she can barely get out of bed, to when she can actually swim for a little. Her hair is shorter too, no more bangs and it barely touches her shoulders. Her skin is more tanned even though her body is slimmer and she hasn't had a headache in two weeks. She's eating better too and buys yet another recipe book so she, Quinn, Brittany and Mercedes can try out a new dish every night. He fishes with the men, spending long hours outside in the sun without her, Kurt's better at it than he is, but his skin doesn't really get as dark as hers, still he's not so pale.

He doesn't look at the differences anymore while his body covers hers, skin hot and wet as she moves atop him. He tries to ignore the pale bruises on her arms or legs that appear for no reason. He kisses them while she sleeps and cradles her gently in his arms so he doesn't cause anymore. The mornings where he wakes up to hearing her throwing up in the bathroom are happening more frequently, and all he can do is sit behind her and hold her hair back, let her fall back asleep on top of him. He never falls back asleep after, he's afraid if he does she will never wake up.

She looks beautiful against the sunset, small and child-like and he just want to go to her and run away, maybe find out if any of those Greek myths are true. He'd give anything to freeze time with her right now. He's dreamed it that often. He has so many dreams of her and doesn't like that he can only get some of them with her before it's all gone. Sometimes, he just wishes he could do more.

He creeps up behind her, wrapping his arms around her and she squeals, nearly dropping her phone.

"Sorry Dad. Finn felt like he could frighten the life out of me just now. Yea. OK. We'll talk tomorrow. I love you, and kiss Daddy for me.  _Ew_ , not like that! Goodbye Dad!"

He loves how her fathers tease her. She takes pictures of the water, of them and of the sunset on her phone, and he knows Artie will have it as part of their scrapbook soon.

He's glad today is one of her good days.

He remembers her conversation with Kurt and turns her in his arms. She smiles at him, rubbing his jaw with one hand and he just gives in.

"Marry me?"

She does the freezing thing again, not even blinking. It's quiet for a breath or two before she shakes her head and peers up at him seriously.

"Finn. I'm sorry if I've gave you the impression where you feel like you have to-,"

He cuts her off because really? How could she think that? "I'm not asking you because you think I'm obligated to. I'm asking you because I  _want_  you to be my wife."

She takes a step back from him and he feels colder when she does.

"Finn. You know this won't last forever. Soon my entire body will just give up. I'm ridiculously lucky enough that I've made it this far without forgetting my name or losing the use of my legs or my memories or even my sanity.  _That_  is going to happen.  _That_  is what you have to look forward to if we get married. I do not want to put you through that."

Will she ever stop doing that? Not because it's bound to happen means she has to discuss it so callously. He'd rather look forward to anything else besides this cruel picture she always paints.

He bites back his anger. "Rachel. You're not  _putting_  me through anything. I'm here, aren't I? I  _want_  to be here, with you. I want to hold you and support you through this. Like I've been doing. So I can't have you forever, but why can't you let me love you for the rest of your life?"

He's not ashamed of his tears. He doesn't care who hears them, he just needs her to hear him.

"I've been in love with you for the past two years, and I won't have you for very much longer. Why won't you let me help you with one more memory? One more good thing to remember when the days get too bad? One more part of me that you and  _only you_ will ever have? I didn't just come up with this idea on the fly. When I told you I loved you that first time, before knowing everything else, I  _saw_  all of that, the future, us together, happy. Years down the line with babies and a lease and a crappy job and more of your smiles. If I'm selfish enough to want that, however brief it is, I really don't care."

He watches the tears falling down her face and he pulls her into him, letting her cry into his shirt because everything he said to her was true. Yes, it may sound selfish, and he may be a widow at 19 but it'd be worth it. So much. And it it'll make her happier a bit longer, why not? He's already married to her in every sense of the term, all it would take now are two rings and piece of paper.

She already has his heart. She  _is_ his heart. If somehow tomorrow they figured how to do a brain transplant he wouldn't hesitate to let them use his. If he needed to die so she could live, even a little while longer, he would.

He doesn't even realize he's saying this all out loud until he feels her shaking in his arms, her words sharp as she glares at him with fire in her eyes and smacks his chest hard. " _Don't you dare_. I've told you having you already makes me more happier than I've ever been. This night, today, this trip, everything the past eleven months, has been the best time of my life. If I were to die tonight," he can't help his wince at those words but she rests both her hands on his face and makes him look at her, "if I were to die tonight, I would have no regrets. None. Because I have you, Finn. Why can't that be enough?"

He hates himself for doing it, really. But the words are out before he can take them back. "Because if you really love me, you would do this one thing for me."

He watches the tears fall from her eyes, sees the hurt swirling in her chocolate depths and she just rests her forehead against his chest and sighs.

"Finn. I love you. You know I love you. That's not fair."

"Rachel. When you do leave, the one thing that will help me heal is knowing that I was your husband. Even if it's only for five minutes." He knows that's true too.

He's surprised when she snorts into his shirt. "In some strange way, I'm kind of glad that I won't be able to go forever with you because I'm pretty sure you'll drive me crazy before then."

He chuckles in spite of himself. He's already crazy about her, and he just wants to do this one more thing to make her the happiest woman in the world.

* * *

She tells him yes on their last night in Greece.

Really, it's because the little girl fantasy she's had of marrying her Prince Charming is staring her right in the face. She tries not to think about everything that will happen when she's gone before they really have a marriage but the look on his face is enough to push her worries away.

He's crying again and she's pretty sure everyone else know what's going on, she knows they all heard and saw them on the beach that night. Somehow she can't bring herself to care. Finn slips a dainty ring onto her finger and again, he manages to steal her breath.

"Finn. Please tell me you didn't buy this." She manages to breathe out. It's beautiful and if she were to have chosen her ring, this would be it. It sits on her finger like it belongs and she hurriedly brushes the tears away when they blur her hand in front of her.

"No. My father gave it to my mother when he proposed." He says quietly. She looks up at him and she knows he's thinking about how strange their situations and his parents are mirrored, except she knows it's inevitable, just not when.

"Is it weird that I'm kinda freaking out that it fits this perfectly? Wait, did you get it sized and I didn't know?"

He shakes his head. "I took it out of my safe deposit box before I left. My father had savings, part of my college fund saved away for when I turned eighteen, papers and stuff. It was just there and I just threw everything in my bag."

He rubs his thumb over her finger and she can't help the shiver that passes over her skin.

"The fact that it's there, and it's perfect, means that it belongs to you."

So, okay, you really can't blame her for getting him naked right then and there. Because this? This man that loves her? This loveable dork who can't dance to save his life but sings like a dream? She loves his broken verbal filter. He never really thinks of what he says before he talks and she'll never hold that against him.

Finn: 3, Rachel: 0. He gets extra points for his proposal and the fact that she can forever hang on to this fantasy-turned-reality and finds herself fighting hard to get more years out of her life.

...


	3. Part Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a year abroad and getting married to Finn, Rachel heads to New York, in spite of what her future holds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Again, I may have taken some liberties here, but it's all in the name of good writing. Unbeta'd and it's the end.
> 
> Disclaimer: Glee, isn't mine. Sadly.

Her fathers are crying when they come out of the gates of the park. His mother and stepbrother are pretty much doing the same beside them and he can't even bother to be embarrassed because Rachel is  _glowing_.

Her tan hasn't faded even though they've been back in Lima for more than a month and it's almost fall. Which means New York. And college for him. She's coming with him, she just doesn't know what she's going to do once she's there in New York. Truthfully, the only reason he considered New York was because of Rachel. And even though they both know what lies ahead, he would've still chosen New York. Because that's where she wants to be. He can build a new dream for her, with her. Dammed the consequences. She did mention Broadway, but he's not sure about that. Still, he's not going to dash her hopes after the nuisance he made of himself on the beach in Greece. She's on medication for her pain and headaches and she's been having more and more good days so for now, they'll just live in the moment.

Kurt turns her yard into a dance floor, complete with an actual dance floor. Food, music and family and friends and he doesn't mind so much the whispers about getting married this young, and the heartache that he's bound to suffer in a few years because it's inevitable that his wife is dying, so, yea he ignores that.

But when their friends from school, and Rachel's boss from the flower shop, the only job she's ever had, mention that it's nice to see true love like theirs and they should make each other happy for as long as they can, this is what he thinks about when he dances with his lovely wife.

She sings – ironically, the song that won them Sectionals the first time they ever made it there – and a light rain starts falling and the party drifts towards the garage and inside the house but he stays outside with her just a little while longer because he's always loved when it drizzles.

He still sucks at dancing, he doesn't think it's getting better anytime soon, but she hums happily as she sways in his arms.

She reaches her fingers up and caresses his jaw, rubbing her fingers over his freckles, and he presses a finger to the mole on her cheek. She pushes herself onto her toes and kisses him, soft and sweet, whispering against his lips.

"Thank you. For this, for today. For this moment."

It's still drizzling and he knows they need to go inside soon but she looks almost angelic standing in front of him, never mind the wetness on her lashes or that her hair is wet and sticking to her face. He doesn't think she can ever not be beautiful and he kisses her again.

"Finn, if you don't get Rachel inside this very minute, she'll be a widow before you can even blink!" Santana's scream breaks them apart and Rachel giggles into his shoulder.

But then Kurt appears beside her and screams at them, well, more at Rachel. "Rachel Hudson! Are you crazy! You  _do not get vintage lace wet in cold water!"_  Because, of course, Kurt would be more distraught over clothes.

Rachel snickers again and then steps back pulling on his hands to lead them inside. He lifts her up just as she's about to step into the garage and she squeals then throws her head back as she laughs.

Someone snaps a picture and he bends his head to kiss her again, steadfastly ignoring Kurt and Santana because Rachel Hudson is in his arms.

* * *

Being married to Finn was easy. She kisses him goodnight and good morning every day. They've already had a honeymoon but their parents still send them to Cleveland for a weekend. They don't exactly leave the hotel room.

Her father tells her they'll help them find a studio near Finn's school in New York and help them with rent as long as they need them to. She sees Finn about to protest and covers his mouth with her hand.

"Thank you Dads. I'm going to try and find a job when I get there so you won't have to be taking care of us for too long. We're married now and we should act like we're married."

Her dad raises his eyebrow at her and shakes his head in quiet laughter. They don't discuss the whens anymore. They just go through each day like the last, with hope.

Her fathers leave for another trip a few days after they're married. So until they finish packing and move with the rest of their friends who're going to New York she plays house with her new husband. Finn still works for his stepfather at the garage and she still gives piano lessons to middle-schoolers. She knows she won't be able to do that for long, but still.

She's in the kitchen making dinner when Finn comes home after work one evening. He's greasy and sexy and sweaty as he stands in the doorway. She's used to this sight when they first started dating but could never really do much about it back then.

Now?

"Take your clothes off."

"Rach?"

"Everything but your undergarments."

He does as she asks and she picks them up and hurries to the laundry room, shoves them into the washing machine and goes back to the kitchen, stepping around him to turn the stove off. He leans against the doorway as he watches her.

"I've dreamt about this, about you." She watches as one of his eyebrows rise. "Coming home from work, all sweaty and tired. And I'd take you to the bathroom, and strip you naked and-,"

She doesn't exactly finish because Finn has her in his arms so fast she's dizzy for a second and striding towards the stairs, his eyes heated and dark.

She loved being married to the man of her dreams.

* * *

So. College.

The only reason he knows he's on Columbia University's campus is because of those last few months of high school, four years of athletics and three killer letters of recommendation that cinched his football scholarship. She practically vibrated with happiness when he had told her and after reluctantly saying their goodbyes to Lima, she was helping him pick out his classes on the living room floor of their small studio apartment in Brooklyn.

He doesn't really know what he plans to study yet and Rachel is patient enough to be his sounding board when he throws ideas at her.

"OK. What do you see yourself doing in the next five years?"

He grins wolfishly at her and she throws a cushion at him. "Seriously. You hang around with Noah too much."

He just laughs and kisses her toes, going back to flipping through the college handbook.

"Really though, Finn. What is it you like doing? If you enjoy what it is you're doing as a career, it won't seem like such a hassle in the future." He stares at her while she looks through a bunch of records. If he had it his way this would have been her here choosing classes. She had planned to go to Tisch, first step on her way to Broadway. And she got in. She got accepted to every school she applied for, some with scholarships and he's knows in another life she would have been magnificent on stage.

Now, she works at a music store two blocks over. The manager was impressed with her repertoire and knowledge of so many artistes, albums, genres and even composers. She was hired on the spot and usually instead of music over the speakers, she would sing.

He sets his schedule so he can walk her to work in the morning, and they can walk back home together afterwards. He only uses his truck when she's too tired or having really bad headaches to leave the house. Most days he tries to stay with her but she chases him out of the house and yells at him for slacking off.

But she loves the music store. He wishes he could put her on a stage and she could sing for as long as she wants to, like Broadway, or better. People could come in and buy coffee or lunch or dinner, but really they'd come by just to hear her sing. And he'd sit in the audience with their children and they'd cheer loudly and scream for an encore.

_If wishes were daydreams then I'd dream for you._

He likes music and he likes business so he'll work with those.

* * *

They drive home for Thanksgiving with Kurt and Blaine snoring in the backseat. She tries to stay awake to keep Finn company but she's too tired. Finn has to bring her inside the house and he carries her to the bathroom so she can throw up.

Carole comes into the room with a bottle of water and a cup of vegetable soup and her pills. She shoos Finn out of the room and helps her undress before sitting beside her on the bed.

"Eat."

She doesn't protest to her mother-in-law, the woman is a tyrant and as stubborn as Finn is. She loves her for it.

When she's had enough, she hands the cup back and settles on the pillows behind her.

"Mom, can I ask you something?" Carole's eyes twinkle every time she calls her that, it's become sort of a habit, she already talks to her almost every day back in New York and with Kurt and Finn doing it, and she just does it too. Finn grins every time she does.

"What is it sweetie?"

"Do you think it would be selfish I ever froze my eggs?"

She's surprised at the answer Carole gives and it's still on her mind when she asks her friends at lunch the next day.

"Rachel, are you sure about this?" That'd be Santana.

"Don't you think you're being a bit unfair here?" And Tina just had to put her opinion out there as well.

"You can't do that to Finn. He'll be devastated. You're already dying, you made him marry you. Now you're going to do something like this and leave him behind?"

She turns to Quinn with fire in her eyes so much so that the other woman steps back.

"I did not  _make_  him do anything. He chose to marry me, I tried to stop him, remember? I don't need to leave behind a husband on top of everything else! But. Finn has always wanted children. You may think this is selfish of me, but you all know it will take him forever to move on from this. And I want you to promise me,  _all of you_  that you'll make sure he doesn't lay around scratching his crotch and drinking beer." She glares at her friends, their friends now, and his brother.

Kurt puts a hand on her shoulder. "Sweetie. Think about what you're doing here. You're freezing your eggs so if Finn decides he wants a child with you he can. But you won't be here. Pregnancy is a wonderful thing and you're robbing him of that gift."

She knows they'd see it that way. So maybe she's selfish, isn't she's allowed that much? She wants kids. She loves kids and a little part of her dies quicker every time she thinks that she'll never feel a baby, Finn's baby growing inside her. She'll never wake him up in the middle of the night with weird cravings and he'll never kiss her over and over every time she complains that she's too huge. He'll never kiss her growing belly or argue with her over names or if they want a boy or girl (in her fantasies it's always a little girl with Finn's eyes and nose). She'll never wake up in odd hours of the morning to breastfeed or sit in Finn's dad's old recliner and sing or read stories to a beautiful baby.

They've talked about it and she knows it breaks his heart a little because they know that will never be a reality. Pregnancy will be too much of a stress on her already weakening body and she's just not callous to get pregnant. It never will be an option.

The inevitability of her life has never frightened her more.

Five years.

She's hung on for five years but she knows she's running out of time. She's come this far because Finn refused to let her die. He stood beside her all this time, doctor's visit, days when she could barely move, can't keep anything down. She knows he's throwing his life away by sticking around her but she's selfish enough to let him stay. And she's selfish enough to want this for him because everyone else gets to live but there's something pressing on her brain and it won't let her live for much longer.

And yes, she's selfish enough to want a part of her to be left behind when she's long gone.

"Fine. I'm selfish. And maybe it's unfair. But is it such a bad thing? If Finn doesn't want to do it, then fine. He doesn't have to. But at least I can put the option out there. I'll be gone. But one day, if he wants to, he can have a little girl or a little boy that's part of both of us. At least I'll be alive s _omehow_."

She's tried not to cry for so long but she's really tired of keeping the tears at bay now. So when first Tina then Mercedes come up to her and wrap her in their arms she just sinks to the ground and let them hold her because if nothing else, at least they have a choice. And so will Finn.

She never had one.

* * *

He kisses her at midnight on New Year's Eve. And she turned 21 in September so of course, it calls for a celebration.

Fine, they don't go out partying like the rest of New York because she was really too weak to walk anywhere but the living room. Mercedes and Kurt come over and they drink sparkling grape juice and sing at the top of their voices. She messes up some of the words to  _Auld Lang Syne_ but they laugh it off and keep on singing. He watches the way both Kurt and Mercedes hug her a little tighter and a little longer afterwards.

After they leave and she closes the door behind them, he pushes her against it, presses his hips into hers and kisses her hard.

"Wow." She breathes against his lips. He chuckles, his hand running underneath her shirt.

"It's a new year baby. I haven't touched you all year." He murmurs.

She laughs at his corniness and then she's pushing him away dragging her shirt off and pressing her mouth against his firmly. She fists her hand against his shirt as his tongue teases hers and he needs to get her naked now so he just lifts her up off the floor and stalks to the bedroom, his lips still moving against hers.

They keep stopping and making out against the walls, shedding clothes and by the time they stumble into bed together his hands slide her legs apart and he tells her he loves her as he pushes into her body, she screams his name as she explodes beneath him and she keeps murmuring  _I love yous_  into his ear as he presses her into the mattress with his release.

Rachel's hands are warm on his chest as he settles beside her afterwards, and even though he's tired, he's still awake, fingers stroking along the silky smooth skin of her back. Despite her being tired, it was one of the best days she's had so far, he wants to hang on to this for as long as he possibly can.

* * *

His birthday this year is spent in bed, bodies pressed close; hands clasped together, her lips glued to his.

Finn has a class today but he says he'd rather stay in and do nothing. So they do just that. Just lay around naked in bed all day. They leave the bed long enough for her to make him breakfast and random bathroom breaks. She tries on the lingerie she bought him for Valentine's day and that lasts about 3 minutes before he's taking it off her.

His "wear it next year.." goes unnoticed by them both.

As the evening wanes, they order up Chinese and he whines as she pulls away to go to the door. She grabs the first thing she can find, the shirt he discarded the day before, to cover her body and he groans again in protest.

"Do you want me to go answer the door naked? Because I will."

"Hell no! I don't need to break someone else's nose." He mutters.

She stands with her hands on her hips as she playfully glares at him. "Finn, the guy at the bar was simply reaching over to get his drink."

"So his hands just had to rest on your ass?"

She's pretty sure he argues with her just to get a rise out of her. But it's his birthday and she'll play along. She undos the top button on his shirt and winks at him then hurries out to get their food. She's surprised he didn't get up and follow her to the door. But as soon as she walks back to the bedroom, he drops the food onto the floor and covers her body with his, ripping his shirt in the process.

"There's a no clothes policy in the bedroom on this day."

She doesn't mind.

Later, as they're sprawled over the sheets after stuffing egg rolls and noodles into their mouths she tosses him a fortune cookie.

" _Do not worry, you will have great peace._ " He snorts and nudges her with his foot. "What does yours say?" he tosses the pieces of the cookie into his mouth.

"Finn! You're not supposed to actually eat the cookie you know?"

"It's food. It's a cookie. Not as good as yours but it's a cookie. I'm eating the cookie." He deadpans.

She shakes her head and cracks hers open. " _Seize every second of your life and savour it._  Hmm. How profound."

He scoops up the leftovers and puts them on the floor then grabs her arm and tugs her to him. He tastes like duck sauce and cherry cola and she makes a face. He rolls her over and traps her laughing beneath him, burying his head into her neck, his tongue tickling her skin.

"Finn! Stop!" she shrieks.

"No can do. I'm following your fortune cookie orders." He kisses her throat and drags his fingers down her side.

She pats his face so he looks up. "I hope you remember what yours says too."

He presses soft kisses to her chest as she watches his eyes, searching for what she always sees whenever moments like these roll around. He nods slowly then pulls her down to so he can kiss her again.

* * *

Tina was pregnant.

She'd been wondering why her friend was ignoring her so when Mike stops by the apartment she just corners him. And the man looks ashamed, like he had done something wrong.

He stares at them from the kitchen and watches as Mike hangs his head. He sees the change in her face immediately. First the hurt, then embarrassment, then anger and it all dissolved into joy. At least that's what he thought it was until his wife started smacking his friend in the chest.

"Michael Chang! You call your wife  _right now_  and insist she get her butt down here this very instant!" she punctuates each word with her fist and he can see Mike warring between fear and amusement every time she hits him. Mike's eyes flicker over to him and he just shrugs because, the fuck? But when Mike steps out to call Tina he walks over to where she was leaning against the desk.

"Rach?"

Her breathing was jagged. See, he'd have gone over to stop her from overexerting herself, but the last time he'd done as much as taken a jar she could barely open he slept in the couch for two weeks. No kissing, no touching. No talking. And a silent Rachel Hudson was ten times worse than an upset Rachel Hudson. Know your battles.

She turns to him with sadness in her eyes and just walks into his arms when he holds them open for her. "I love you." She mumbles into his chest. He rubs her shoulders and holds her like that until Mike comes back in.

"Ah, she's on her way over?" he says it like a question. Rachel nods her head curtly and steps back.

"I'll make dinner."

When Tina knocks she gives them a look so they both stay put. The look on her face is menacing enough that Tina takes a step back when the door opens.

Rachel takes a deep breath and points a finger at her. "Listen to me Tina Chang. I know you're just trying to protect my feelings but it hurts worse if you think I hate you. You don't get to hide one of the best things to happen you. You don't get to lie to the people you love because you're afraid of making me unhappy.  _I am_ happy for you. I told you from the beginning not treat me any differently. Please, don't start doing so now. You're supposed to be over the moon about this."

He watches as Tina's lower lips tremble and Mike fidgets to go to her but he just touches his shoulder and shakes his head.

"Congratulations Tina." His wife's smile is broad, like how she used to smile before they knew about the bad stuff. Just like she's ecstatic and can barely contain her glee.

Soon both of them are falling over bawling and clinging onto each other and he and Mike get up and go to the kitchen where he pulls out two bottles of beer. Their wives are still in the front room  _crying_ and dinner is basically forgotten so he just grabs the phone to order a pizza.

"I want anchovies and pineapple on mine, please." Tina shouts out between her sobs. He doesn't bother to look at Mike because he knows they're both thinking the same thing.

Women.

* * *

Their first true scare comes one night after he'd taken her home from a Broadway show.

She was giggly and happy all night because Mr. Shue had gotten them tickets to see the play one of his classmates from high school was putting on. Finn bought her flowers and she loops her arm around his as people light up the stage with music and dancing. She sings along to every song and has to reassure Finn she's fine when he sees her brushing tears from her face. She's just emotional is all, to be this close to a dream she'll never have.

Afterwards she tugs him to the side stage where she meets the musical director. April Rhodes waltzes out to meet her, kissing her on each cheek and then greeting Finn. The woman is small, almost as short as her but she's loud and boisterous and commands an audience. They get their playbills signed, and she insists Finn take pictures.

She spends more time after the show chatting than the actual show that they miss dinner reservations, but April promises her tickets to the next show and she forgets about food.

She's in the bath relaxing as Finn shouts their conversation through the open door. She laughs as she listens to him extolling the benefits of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich after a long day, arguing that next to grilled cheese, it's God's gift to man.

"It's junk food. Finn."

"Exactly! It makes you feel good!"

"No. It will clog up your arteries and give you high cholesterol and make your skin break out in pimples!" she laughs. She feels high on her happiness.

"Rach, Rach. You can't deny the good things in life." He hollers.

She's about to throw back some snarky remark when her stomach rolls and she has the sudden urge to hurl. She can't move fast enough to get out of the tub so she grabs the waste bin and throws up whatever she had to eat earlier that day. She sees blood in the basket and hears Finn calling her name but her body just gives up.

She can still hear what's going on around her despite the blood pounding in her ears and she desperately wants to believe she's safe in his arms, warm and comfortable and not in some cold darkness when her body seizes on a bathroom floor.

She does wake up in his arms though.

In a hospital bed with a heart rate monitor and tubing shoved up her nose. She wants to complain but she's too tired to move. Besides, Finn feels comfortable beside her. He brushes his fingers through her hair when she moves her head under his arms. He presses a kiss to her forehead and lulls her back to sleep, his voice crooning an old song in her ear.

The doctor is there when she wakes up again and Finn looks like hell. His eyes are red and puffy and he hadn't shaved the day before so the few hours she's been in the hospital makes him look like a hobo. She fights to press her hand to his jaw but it drops against his chest and he tears up again as he grabs it and puts it there himself.

She hates the look on his face.

"Mrs. Hudson." She turns her eyes to the doctor standing in front of her. "I think it's time we look more invasive measures. Now, I know you've refused chemo, but I really think it may give you more time." The woman's voice is gentle and she knows she means well, but she can't do chemotherapy.

"No." her voice is strong for her answer.

"Rach, if it-,"

"No, Finn. I don't want to prolong this by doing chemo. I'll get sicker than this, sicker than I am right now if I do that. I'll lose my hair, I'll lose weight, and I wouldn't be able to anything. I wouldn't be me."

They've been through this. It's not about vanity. But she's already done radiation therapy. Back in high school when she'd first been diagnosed. She had to cut her hair, switch to jeans over the summer because her skin kept stripping. She'd lost a lot of weight and was tender all over. And that was only for six weeks. She didn't want to go through that again. No matter what they promised.

She knew this was coming, after all, isn't this was when it would all come down to? But she refuses to sit in a hospital bed while she dies. She doesn't want to be hooked up to machines and not be able to even kiss her husband when it came down to it.

"Finn, we've done the research. We've known all along that this would happen but I will not put myself through that just for a couple more months where I wouldn't be able to do anything." She looks up at him with fire in her eyes and the Rachel Berry spark she'd mastered.

He's crying silently and his eyes plead for her to just consider it  _again_.

"Please, baby."

She hates that he has to see her like this. But she can't do that to herself again, and she really does not want to put him through that. He holds her hand to his cheek as he nods.

"I don't want to do the chemo." She tells the doctor again. The woman sighs reluctantly and looks down onto the chart in her hands.

She turns back to her husband, barely listening to whatever else the doctor is saying. She's just… tired.

* * *

Their parents both fly to New York for their second anniversary. It's just dinner over at Kurt and Blaine's because Rachel has no energy lately. They talk about old times and good memories, Kurt teases Rachel to eat some of his chicken parmesan and they take more pictures.

She hugs both her fathers too long and hangs onto his mother longer before kissing her wetly on the cheek. She cries the entire drive home and he has to carry her from the car to the bedroom and she just kicks off her shoes, crawls into bed and goes to sleep in her dress.

She spends her days with Blaine and her evenings with him and Kurt or Mercedes. She carries around a black binder with gold stars all over it wherever she goes and he catches her at odd times just writing in it but she won't show him what's in there.

"A girl has to have some secrets Finn."

"Are they good secrets or bad secrets?" he pouts.

She snorts and throws a cushion at him. He catches it and winks at her, turning his attention back to flipping through the TV channels.

Puck & Quinn had driven down from New Haven the next week and Artie flew in from Boston. Mr. Shue and Ms. Pillsbury come in a day later and it doesn't really occur to him that everyone was sort of coming to say their goodbyes. Everyone has stopped by their apartment in some way or another under the excuse of lunch or dinner and when Tina leaves hiccupping one evening Rachel excuses herself from the living room and locks the bedroom door behind her.

Her fathers look at each other and then at him and get up and follow her into the room. He sits beside Kurt on the couch, both of them quiet and not speaking.

"She's had fun Finn. That's what she wanted." His brother says, his gaze focused on a picture on the wall. It's one of the pictures Artie has of Rachel singing on stage at one of their Regional competitions, her black and gold dress billowing around her as she stood with the mic in her hand. The rest of the team was standing behind her, but Rachel owned the stage. They had won that night.

He nods in agreement. "She's still fighting."

"She wouldn't be Rachel Berry if she didn't." Kurt smiles.

The door opens and her fathers walk back out, both men wiping away at tears. He gets up and steps over to them and they both pull him into a hug.

"She says she's tired, she fell asleep." Hiram says. LeRoy stands beside him with his hands over his mouth, his other hand firmly grasping his husband's.

"I'll take them to the hotel. Call us if you need us, alright?"

He nods at his brother again, feeling him squeeze his shoulders as he goes into see his wife. She's sleeping in one of his high school t-shirts, looking like a fragile doll. He toes of his shoes and quickly undresses and slips into the bed beside her, still relieved to hear her deep and even breathing.

He kisses her forehead, his lips lingering there until he starts crying, because all he can really do now is wait for the when.

* * *

Artie drops by one evening with a box on his lap.

"I come bearing gifts." He grins. She lets him in, then shuffles over to the couch before sitting down again. Finn's in class and Mercedes is having a shower.

"Christmas isn't for another four months Santa Claus. But gimme." She giggles at him.

He hands her a square box wrapped in brown paper. She raises her eyebrows at him. "It's not just for you. I did one for everyone in glee and your parents. I figured after everything, it's the least I could do."

He smiles at Mercedes and hands her a similarly wrapped box as she sits beside her. They unwrap the gift and it's a photo album. It looks like a newspaper with headlines and the name of their club and music notes and all sorts of decorations all over the covers.

"First page." Artie says and they both flip their books open.

Four photos show the glee club with all their members: the original six, the whole club when Matt was still there, before Lauren left and the club as it was then with their Nationals trophy.

"Artie." She breathes. The album reads like a journal, when it was just the six of them doing bad songs in the music room, when Mr. Shue took over the club, their first entry at Sectionals, their bake sale that had failed horribly, their performance at the only championship game the McKinley Titans had played (and won), their pizza party before Nationals and them giving her the trophy afterwards.

Mercedes looks over at her and the other woman is crying. "This is so cool."

"Yea, thanks. I had a lot of free time on my hand and I had all these pictures and videos, so I just made this. Go on, keep looking."

They flip further into the book and there are pictures of them in London, on the train to Paris, in Madrid, on the steps in Italy, and on the beach in Greece. There's a picture there she doesn't know and she taps it, showing it to Artie. Her and Finn sitting on the beach with their toes together.

"That's the day he proposed to you, earlier before dinner."

She doesn't brush away the rest of her tears as she goes through the entire book page by page. She's supposed to remember them, some she does, the ones with her in there. She looks so happy. Her hair changes in length throughout and she's wearing linen pants and flowy shirts in most of them, the only way to hide her bruises.

But she looks happy. Her eyes sparkle and her friends look just as happy. You wouldn't know if you hadn't been there that this was as much as 'goodbye world' as she was going to get.

"Artie this is fantastic. I love it!" she crushes the book to her chest and gets up gingerly to press a kiss to his cheek.

"I have the pictures themselves on disc too if you ever need them." He smiles again and pats her hand.

And when Finn gets home from class, he hands him one too while Mercedes makes dinner and they sit and talk. She's really tired but nonetheless excited over the album, pictures of her family and her vibrant and full of life and now she's really grateful she went on that trip. Her memories are a little fuzzy of what happened but she takes out that one picture of Finn and her on the beach and slips it into her binder, she wants to hold on to that one.

When Artie and Mercedes leave, she crawls into his lap and makes him tell her again about that day, her fingers pressed against the freckles on his cheek while he speaks.

* * *

She's been quiet all evening. She didn't want anything to eat, didn't want to watch anything and didn't want to go back to the hospital. They'd sat on the balcony outside their apartment so she could play with the first rust-coloured leaves falling to the floor. She had a Tennyson book open her lap, but it just sat there closed and then she stood up, tossing it aside and held her hand out for him to take.

He dances with her as she hums a song against his chest, pulling him onto the bed and tucking her head under his.

She just wants to lie beside him. So they do. They lie side by side and talk. They talk about Glee, about football, about the recipe for her I'm Sorry sugar cookies and that stash of Cosmo magazines she has under her bed. She tells him she'll bake him banana bread for his birthday next month.

"Well, not me, Brittany will be doing all the mixing."

"You do realize that Brittany puts that rum she brought back from Spain in everything she cooks right? You won't be able to eat it." He's joking really, but the chances of her eating anything and actually keeping it down are becoming slimmer.

Still, he's glad when she laughs. "How does she still have those? With the way Santana drinks sometimes it's a wonder she still has more."

He laughs with her but his heart twists and he can't bear to tell her that Santana and Brittany broke up about six months ago. The memory lapses are getting worse; his birthday was three months ago. They spent more than a few nights since then in the hospital and he tried to ignore the very evident fact that she may not be here for her next birthday.

She talks about the musicals on Broadway he still needs to see and he says he needs to update her record collection because if he didn't know any better he'd think she hasn't heard of any bands since Journey and REO Speedwagon. Her body shakes beside his as she laughs and then lets out a heavy sigh.

"I'm tired Finn." Her voice was so quiet, so soft, a far cry from the Rachel Berry of old. He nods; the doctors said she needed plenty of rest.

"Stay with me please? My dreams are always happier when I fall asleep in your arms." She murmurs. He does, because he can't say no to her, besides he doesn't want to be anywhere else. So she settles against him, her breathing slow, fingers entwined with his and resting their hands against his chest.

He needs to keep his mind from going places he doesn't want it to go so he tries to pull up memories from their time together to tell her. But he can't speak; the words get caught in his chest and he tries not to cry.

She's quiet for too long and he starts to get nervous but then she speaks. "Finn, you know my gold-star binder? Read it when you wake up, please?"

She's been scribbling it in everyday for a month now. He doesn't even want to imagine what's in there.

"Rach?" His voice refuses to work. He rubs his finger over the ring on her hand.

She opens her eyes and looks up at him. "Please?"

He tries to swallow against the lump in his throat because she  _promised_  she'd fight and she's just… giving up.

But he nods, because, he loves her. She's held on longer than they expected her to. That much he knows and she knows that she's fought hard. "Yea. OK."

She smiles, pushing her head up to kiss him. She kisses a bit too soft, her fingers press against his hand too hard and she's breathing too fast when she pulls away. She stares into his eyes a long time before she speaks again. "I love you Finn Hudson."

And her voice sounds strong, like how Rachel Berry used to sound. So he smiles like how he used to smile at her. "I love you Rachel Hudson."

She winks again and rests her head against his chest. "Sing for me please?"

* * *

So, if this was what heaven was then she'd gladly stay here forever.

Finn.

Here with him, in his arms as he holds her close against him, his voice gentle and sweet as he sings. She grabs onto this feeling. Holds it tightly in her hands as she falls asleep because heaven is all about happiness and glee and safety and joy and she feels all those and more as long as she's with Finn.

She thinks of her fathers and Finn's parents and Kurt and Tina and her baby bump and Mercedes and Santana and Noah and Mr. Shuester and of her Nationals award and her gold star and blowing out the candle on Finn's 18th birthday cake, swimming in Greece with her friends, Puck and Quinn getting engaged in Italy, kissing Finn under the Eiffel tower and Finn gripping her hand tight as Kurt and Santana snicker in the Eye of London and she thinks of her father's song as he holds her hand while she watches autumn leaves dance over the ground and of the sound of the crowd when she belts out beautiful music on a stage and

* * *

_Send me away with the words of a love song_

* * *

He knows the way by heart. The little girl clutching the flowers in her tiny fist toddles beside him as he walks and as she kicks the leaves swirling near her feet she giggles. It warms his heart because she sounds so much like her.

He gets to her and squats down, pulling the little girl onto his lap.

"Hey, Rach."

He dusts off the leaves from the weather-worn marble gravestone, pushing aside the flowers he finds there. He figures someone from the glee club must have brought them there, even though he has blue orchids delivered every week, these are gardenias, the same ones in the bouquet the team bought for her after Nationals. It's nice.

"Evie. Want to give mommy your flowers?"

She nods and holds her hand out, dropping the flowers beside her mother's name. His fingers trace the lettering, dusting debris and leaves away from it.

"So. It's another gorgeous day, here. It's fall again, your favourite time of the year. And Evie lost a tooth!" he chuckles, poking his daughter so her bubbly laughter echoes around them. They stay there for a while, telling Rachel everything new that happened since they last came by. He tells her about their school Glee club going back to Regionals next week, says Mr. Shuester is still giving out the Rachel Berry award for most outstanding student but no one, no one has yet surpassed her talent. Tells her Evie can spell her name, and she loves cooking with Grandma Carole, fixing cars with Grandpa Burt. Papa Hiram loves to teach her to paint and Grampy LeRoy teaches her a new song almost every time she talks to him.

He looks down at Evie, her little fingers playing with the star on her necklace, her toes kicking at the leaves in front of her.

"Rach, you should hear her sing. She sounds like an angel. I think she may grow up being another you. And I know it's wrong to hope for but if there's one thing I get to hold on that reminds me of you, it's this. It's her. She looks so much like you it's incredible. And she reminds me more and more of you as she gets older. Evie, sing a song for mommy. What song are you singing with Grampy?"

He rests his chin on Evie's dark curls. "Twinkle, Twinkle." She says in her high, musical voice.

"Sing it with Daddy? I'm sure mommy would love to hear you sing your big girl song."

So Evie turns around, and as they sing she traces the freckles on his face and touches her own. Much like Rachel used to do. And she pats his cheek when he starts to cry halfway through the song but she's only three so she doesn't know how to help her daddy, but she's here and she's singing with him and she's smiling at him with Rachel's eyes and singing with Rachel's voice, so he's good.

The air around them gets cooler and Finn adjusts Evie's hat, bundling her up better in her pink jacket. Reluctantly he turns back to his wife's grave, tracing his finger slowly over her name again.

"We gotta go now Rach, Evie's been outside too long and you know my mother will have my ass for that. But we'll be back next week, same time. Maybe we'll come earlier and I can read with Evie, she loves  _Where The Wild Things Are'_ , she makes me read that every night."

He presses two fingers to his lips then presses them against the star on the stone. Evie watches him then does the same.

"Up, Daddy." She curls her fingers towards him and he lifts her up, burying his face in her hair, glad for this one gift.

"I love you, Rach. And Evie does too. And thank you, so much. For leaving this one treasure for me. I'll talk to you soon, love."

He stares at the stone for one long second and then turns away, his daughter in his arms as he walks back towards his truck. An old song comes to him and he starts humming as Evie pats his cheek.

_The ballad of a dove  
Go with peace and love  
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket  
Save them for a time when you're really gonna need them_

_**...** _

**Author's Note:**

> Songs – 'If I Die Young' by the Band Perry and 'I Don't Want To Be' – Gavin Degraw


End file.
